Page 51 of Sol
Was this a form of bolting too? Was I leaving by beingpresent?
The summer night breeze touched my bare shoulder through the window. After breathing in and out for a few cycles, I began a series of movements, reaching up, bending my body down into forward fold, plank, cobra, andlunge.
The movement got my blood going and my focus on my body, not the uncomfortable thoughts I’d been having. Perspiration beaded on my brow. After a few rounds of sun salutations, I shifted to triangle pose, feeling strong and grounded.Centered.
Being here now, I could do this. I could stay. My toes scrunched into my mat, my body stayed here and so did my mind. But then I moved to a pose called wild thing. Leaning back, almost like a backwards push-up with my arm extended, it opened up my heart, my chest space. Suddenly, a sob migrated to mythroat.
Notagain.
Tears ran down my face unchecked. I collapsed to the floor on my back, whimpering yet again. Why did this pose make mecry?
I wiped my tears on the back of my hand and I realized in the dark, lit only by a candle, that I was lonely. So very, very lonely. I’d spent so long running, that the second I decided to slow down and look around, my past caught up to me. My parents had died. My brother was dead. I had no close friends butLouise.
Trent had dredged up all thesethings.
I textedLouise.
Can you comeover?
No one in Spain went to bed early. She called me immediately. “Dani? What isit?”
I wanted to tell her everything. How I missed my parents and missed my brother. How much I longed for them. The crushing feeling of solitude and abandonment that came over me during my yogapractice.
But I couldn’t do it. I croaked out, in a raspy voice, “I needyou.”
The tone of her voice registered concern. “Give meten.”
When she stepped in the door, I hugged her so hard. Her curvy body comforted me, and she let the tears come with no questions asked. After I soaked through her bright blouse, she retrieved more tissues and held me somemore.
“I miss mybrother.”
“I know,sugar.”
“It’s too hard to be here. I don’t want to resign. But it really hurts to stay. And I feel so alone. You’re the only one Ihave.”
Her eyes met mine. “You’ve always been the one to leave a note on the bedside table, letting others findyou.”
“Maybe I want to be found,now.”
Once my sobs subsided, we lay in my bed. I fell asleep with her stroking myhair.
* * *
The next morning,Louise and I breakfasted together, then she went home, and I hiked up to the Alhambra for a field trip, meeting about ten of my students, including the one who made my heartthump.
The incredibly ornate and ancient Alhambra was a Moorish castle with winding pathways and leafy alcoves separating the buildings—or what remained of the buildings. Someone with Boho style like me would want to move in before you could say, “Om.” Fountains flowed through the living areas, which, when furnished with bright tapestries and tufted cushions, had certainly been the scene forseduction.
Hundreds of the thousand and one nights took place here, but I wanted at least one. Withhim.
“Observe,” the guide said, circled by my students, who interpreted her statements to each other in quiet tones. Trent leaned against a wall by me, cool and collected, sheltered by the trees in the park. As usual, he’d dressed in a yummy gray fitted T-shirt and jeans, smelling clean from the shower. I wore a sleeveless, white eyelet dress with a dark leather belt and sandals. My elbow accidentally, on-purpose grazed his, and he held me with his steadyeyes.
“A little-known fact is that the Alhambra was incredibly modern. Heated water ran through the walls, making it comfortable for the residents on coldnights.”
Even though our walk was in the heat of the day, all I could think about was getting comfy with Trent. Especially those abs of his.Goddamn.
The guide continued talking, but I barely paid attention, zeroing in on Trent’s burly forearms just inches from mine. “Notice the site of this fortress. It is built on a hill so it’s defensible. There are rivers on two sides and a forest behind it, an excellent strategic location. Nothing can get to it. The people who lived here long ago could live in comfort and peace, knowing that they had natural fortifications that protected them from gettinghurt.”
I knew something about building a fortress around myself so I wouldn’t get hurt. Two rivers down below, a thick forest to the back, and a castle on top? Sounded good tome.
