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“You had me weightless and grounded at the same time,” I whispered. “Different than the indoor skydiving, which was exciting. But now? We’re connected on a whole new level. A deepone.”
He kissedme.
We tried it a few more times, and by the end of class, I was tired, but elated, and closer to him than I’d everbeen.
At the end of class, we sat in a circle, the two dozen or so participants. “Be gentle with yourselves tonight,” Ana said, addressing the attendees. “Yoga can unlock unresolvedissues.”
I knewthat.
“Before we adjourn for the day, we will do some gentle stretches and poses to center us. First, we will do upward facing dog.” She showed us how to do the pose, arching her back. I’d done it before inclass.
But she kept narrating. “Often, if we are in distress, we cover our heart. We pull in our shoulders. We get protective. This pose opens up. If you have throat blockages from things unsaid, this might clearthem.”
Next to Trent, I started to do the pose, but her words made mepause.
“Part of yoga is learning to trust yourself. If you can stay in a difficult pose, if you can staywith yourselfin a difficult pose, then you know you can handle more and more difficultthings.”
I extended my arms up as my backarched.
“This is my belief,” she continued. “You can’t get over pain. And you can’t work through it. I believe that we integrate grief, suffering, and so on into our body through yoga. And if those aches become part of who you are, if you can live in your body with those emotions, then you are trulyfree.”
I crumpled to the floor, unable to hold the pose anylonger.
And what she said scared me. I was tough. I’d gotten over a lot. I’d worked through alot.
But living withsuffering?
Nothanks.
I turned to Trent, his bright eyes assessing me. “Youokay?”
“Yeah.” But I was scared. Did he remind me too much of my wounds? Would continuing on with him mean living with the pain? Because that sounded too much tobear.
* * *
That nightafter we’d spent the day doing yoga, playing in the ocean, eating delicious meals, and exploring each other’s bodies, he curled up behind me inbed.
“Can I ask yousomething?”
“Sure.”
A gentle finger made its way down my bare arm. “Why aren’t you onFacebook?”
I rolled over so we were facing. “Brian.”
“Who isBrian?”
I sighed. “My ex. My controlling, asshole ex-boyfriend.”
“You don’t want him to find you? Can’t you just blockhim?”
“I suppose. But it’s not that simple.” I placed my hand on his narrow waist. “Because of him, I just never wanted to befound.”
“What do youmean?”
“When I started dating him, in the beginning, it was great. We both wanted to travel close to the ground. Really get to know people. Do good work. We’d take buses everywhere or travel on cargo ships. Then we’d stay with people and help them farm or build a school. I loved it. We’d go wherever we wanted, just carrying a backpack. Sometimes we’d sleep out under the stars. Other times we’d be in someone’s house. It was an adventure. Every day wasdifferent.”
“That sounds like you,” he said with agrin.
