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I’d had enough yoga for a lifetime. I didn’t want to do any more downward dogs,ever.

I wasn’t fucking reading his letter from boot camp, and I wasn’t fucking staying in Spain one moreminute.

With a wrench, I yanked my bag out of the wardrobe and threw it on the floor next to the one from theweekend.

Unzipped.

And started throwing in clothes that were scattered on thefloor.

Saris from Bali. Gypsy skirts. Tiny thongs. Runningshoes.

Allin.

I’d leave the fairy lights and the candles. I didn’t need those. I just needed the basics. Some clothes, some toiletries, mylaptop.

The picture of myfamily.

Fuck.

I didn’t care if I wasbolting.

But a twinge of guilt hit me in the gut as I realized I was breaking my promise toLulu.

I’d promisedher.

I wouldn’t break mypromise.

If I couldn’t leave, I didn’t have to babysit the pain either. The only way I knew that it wouldn’t hurt, the only way I knew to sever the pain, was to shut it all down. It could just get locked up in a closet where I didn’t have to deal withit.

I couldn’t run, and staying wasn’t working. If I went to school, I’d still have to deal with Trent sitting in the back, hauntingme.

What could Ido?

A still, small voice came tome.

Start facing your life. Start facing what you’re scared of. If it’s gonna hurt anyway, might as well live lifehonestly.

My laptop loomed in mybag.

I stood up,determined.

An overlooked place to start. If I was gonna clean up my life, I’d start with the 567 unread emailmessages.

Gathering a cup of water, I sat down at the table, opened my laptop, and connected to Wi-Fi. Page after page, I scrolled until I found the oldest unreademail.

Spam. Ofcourse.

I started deleting anddeleting.

But I came to an email from Brian, sent weeks and weeks after we brokeup.

* * *

Dani,

What the fuck?Why did you leave? Where did yougo?

Tell me where you are.I’ll come and getyou.

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