Page 91 of Sol
Brian
* * *
Istaredat that message and fire burned in my bloodstream. Why had I ever thought that I loved him? Why had I ever listened to him? Done what hesaid?
On the surface, his philosophy jived with mine. A citizen of the earth. One who believed in consciousliving.
But he was a dickhead in conscious clothing. A control freak who stifled me. He’d weakened me so that I only thought of escape. Worse, he fed into my belief that if I loved someone, they’d get hurt—because I’d never really loved him. I just was with him. There was no intimacy. No need to really open up. We just traveled on the surface, on the crust of the earthtogether.
But I was strongernow.
I hitreply.
* * *
Dear Brian,
When I wassick in Peru with the fever, did you take care ofme?
No.
You told me that sickness was dis-ease. That I’d caused it by negative thought. That modern medicine was the problem and if I just got in tune with the Universe, I’d recover. Since I hadn’t done that, I wassick.
By blaming me, and teaching me to blame myself, it made me so sick I almostdied.
It was then that I realized you didn’t care about me. You didn’t love me. You only wanted to controlme.
That’s why I left. Because I deservebetter.
Where did Igo?
Anywhere youweren’t.
Where am Inow?
None of your business. Never contact meagain.
Dani
* * *
Ihit send,and my hands shook. But I felt relieved. Stealing away in the middle of the night was a cop-out.
Facing himdirectly?
Assertive.
Even though he scared me, I felt strong. Like I reclaimed a power I didn’t know Ihad.
I let out a breath and keptscrolling.
But I halted when I found an email from Degan I hadn’tread.
* * *
Dani,
Just a quick note tosee how you are and where you are. I’m kinda sick of Army food. But they have cereal, so I survive. Where are you now? Do you likeit?
