Page 97 of Sol
“Because I remind her of herbrother.”
“It’s not your fault, youknow.”
“Whatisn’t?”
“Hisdeath.”
My chin trembled, and I leaned forward, placing my face in my hand. “I know that, but it still feels like itis.”
Another text came through.Meet me at 8 in front of the movie theaterplease?
Sure.I textedback.
“I love her. I can’t be with her. She doesn’t need someone like me holding her back. She needs to befree.”
“But Trent, what do youneed?”
“It doesn’t matter what I need. The only thing that matters isher.”
“Do you feel like you did somethingwrong?”
I wiped at my eyes. “Yeah. Ilived.”
“I’ll say it again. It’s not your fault that he died.” Adjusting the webcam, she looked right at me. “What do you know aboutforgiveness?”
I shook my head. “Forgiveness is when you let someone off the hook for something they didwrong.”
“I have a different definition. Did you know it’s a way of reclaiming yourpower?”
“What?”
“It means you’re not a victim anymore. You’re not a victim of your own life. You take back your ownpower.”
I didn’t sayanything.
“Is there someone you aren’tforgiving?”
“Yeah,” I said. “Me.”
* * *
At seven fifty-five,I walked down my street, turned the corner, and headed to the movie theater in the central part of Granada. The sunshiny evening meant that the streets were full of people going on a paseo. Enjoying the end of theday.
After talking with Marie, I felt a lightness, but she raised some serious questions that requiredthought.
What would it feel like if I forgave myself? For living? For not saving Degan? For hurtingDani?
Uncomfortable.
I’d feel shame about it. Like I wasn’t worthy ofit.
Forgiving someone else?Easy.
Forgiving myself? I didn’t know if I could do that. One thing to know that there was a point to my life—to live because of Degan’s sacrifice. Another thing to accept the reason why it got that way—hisdeath.
Passing by the bars, restaurants, candy shops, and even the yoga studio, all was bathed in a prettylight.
I really loved thistown.
