Page 28 of Sombra
My dad starts talking. “Now, I know you’re going to feel homesick.”I don’t. “Just know your feelings are normal. If you need to call us, call. If you need to cry, cry. Allow yourself your feelings—”
“And don’t eat them,” adds my mom.
Homesicknessis the last thing on my mind. After talking more about what it looks like here, who I’m living with, and the plans for starting school next week, we eventually hang up, and I send a Skype message to Shane.
Hey, I type out.I’m here.
His response is immediate:At the gym. One sec.
A Skype call comes through on the laptop, and I see him, pristine as always, under the brightlights of the gym. He’s always surrounded by muscle. The sweat glistens on his brow.
“How are you?” he asks.
I pull at my lip. “I’m good, I think. Actually, I’m tired. I don’t know.” In this unfamiliar room, the dark, hard furniture and heavy red velvet bedspread are strangely stiff and formal.
“What do you mean, you don’t know?”
I can’t answer him directly becauseit’d mean I’d bring up Tavo, so I settle on saying, “It’s too new.”
“Okay.” He seems to be thinking, but not saying,Well, you wanted to go—
I stare at him. He stares at me. My best friend. My person. The one I tell everything to. The one who I’ve talked with all my life—but mostly face to face. I’m struggling with what to say because he doesn’t want me here. There’s an ocean betweenus. And the only earth-shattering thing I have to say is that I’ve been deliriously turned on all day—and not because of him. Although that’s not anything new. I’m used to taking care of myself. Still, my throat thickens with guilt.
“It feels really strange to be so far away from you and everyone. I’ve discovered this whole world of people who have never heard of me or my family or you.It’s like wow, there’s millions of people in this world who I didn’t know exist and they don’t know I exist.”
He smiles. “You’re so weird.”
“I know. It makes me feel both significant and insignificant. If I’ve managed to go through my entire life without them knowing who I am, have I lived? Have they?” I pause. “God, I’m being deep.”
“Yep. But I like that about you—”
The screen wobbles, and now it’s Randy’s face. “Yoko!Parlez vousSpanglish?”
“Hey, Randy. Did Shane finally get you to go to the gym?”
“He convinced me to sculpt these gorgeous abs”—Randy pans the camera down to his Santa belly—“into the washboard of your dreams.”
“I don’t dream about washboards.”
He shakes his finger at the screen. “Ah, but see? Now you will.”
Shane’s voice cuts in. “Give me that!” Taking the phone and positioning it back on his face, he rolls his eyes and chuckles, pushing Randy away. Shane yelps as Randy slaps his butt.
“So you two have been busy,” I say, laughing.
“Yeah.”
Shane and I talk about his classes that are starting, his parents, and the changes to his workout. He says he’ll call tomorrow, and we hangup. While he makes me feel better that life’s going on without me, now that I’ve separated from him—and been jolted by a strong reaction to Tavo—I’m doubting what I’ve always believed. The sharp contrast makes me reevaluate, and I’m not feeling anything more than friendship toward him.
My heart sinks.
In fact, it seems like he has more fun without me. That’s good, right? That he’snot pining for me? Then what do I do with this ring?
Gustavo’s sister Mari Carmen knocks on the door. She comes in and sits on the bed, speaking English with a thick accent. “I was supposed to be the one to pick you up at the airport. I’m sorry I missed it. Jorge and I had an appointment with the priest.”
“When are you getting married?”
“In spring.” The softness in her eyestells me she’s dreaming of her husband-to-be.
