Page 53 of Sombra
And we don’t.
Somehowwe break apart and walk to the car. We drive home in silence.
When I get to my room, I throw myself on the bed, then remember I need to wash my face. I step in the hallway and notice a man at the doorway of Tavo’s mom’s room.
I don’t know who that is, but he seems to know his way around. Especially since he’s kissing her.
The next morningafter coffee and a hangover—and Tavo is nowhere to be found, probably working in the orchard—I see that Shane messaged me on Skype.
Hey, sorry we couldn’t talk much before. The time difference is hard. I have something to tell you. Give me a call.
I call him on Skype, but it rings and rings and rings.
God. I need to talkto him. I need to get clarity.
I could leave a voicemail, which is just about the worst thing I can do. I want to see his face, but being over here, I’m not sure I have any choice. Maybe it will be easier on him if he gets an email. Then he can think about it before he responds.
My heart’s pounding in my ears and my fingers shake so much I make a lot of mistakes. But I finally typean email.
Dear Shane,
We really need to talk. I’ve been doing some thinking while I’m here. You’re always going to be my friend, but I can’t marry you. I’m so sorry. I don’t want to hurt you, but it doesn’t feel right to get married. Call me when you get this.
Love,
Kim
Tears rushto my eyes but don’t fall. My heart pounds, but I also feel a calmnessmoving forward with breaking up with him, because I’m being honest. Better that I admit it now, before we make a huge mistake and get married. I’ll talk to him and tell him the next time he answers.
I take my ring off and put it in an envelope.
As I sit there staring at the screen, some things become very clear.
I do believe in love and that I can love someone my whole life.And I’m not going to get married to someone I don’t love starting out, because we have no chance for lifelong love.
I’m breaking up with him for me. And for him. I deserve better. He deserves better. And even though it’s painful, it’s the right thing to do.
And I know who I want. Or who I think I want. But even if Tavo isn’t the one for me—a thought which makes me feel strangelyill—I broke up with Shane for me.
Because I deserve joy and love, not just a buddy. They say if you marry your best friend, there’s space for one less person in your life. So I’m making room for someone elseplusShane.
I hit send.
“I thinkthe pistachiois the best. But you might talk me into the caramel.” Dani points to the little trays of gelato behind the glass as I take a picture of the colorful dessert options.
“Is it bad that they all look good?” I ask. “Can I just work my way through all of them?”
The old man scooping the gelato understands English. “You come back. You try all the gelato you want. Come, come.”
“I’mgoing to just start with vanilla.” I gesture at the tray.
Tavo stands behind us talking to Trent as the vendor scrapes the treat into a tiny cone with a flat paddle.
I turn around. A half smile comes over Tavo’s face, along with a pensive look in his eye. “You like it vanilla, eh? That’s your scent.”
“It’s my lotion.” I snap a quick picture of the ice cream, holding it upagainst the sky. Then I take a bite. “Oh, wow. Yes, this is good.”
Dani, Trent, and Tavo order, and Tavo insists on paying. Then the four of us walk down a long plaza lined with trees, warm in the afternoon sunshine. It’s crowded with people, too. Dressed-up women in heels pushing babies in prams. Men standing and talking in the shade of the trees. Bars brimming full of people, with musicspilling out onto the sidewalk.
