Page 57 of Ambiguous
“I do,” I insist, although it’s not wholly accurate. “When I’m not in the office, I take good care of myself. I exercise, I eat right.”
“There’s my boring old Sam.” She pats my leg. “But that’s not what I’m talking about. Don’t you want to live a little more?”
“I live plenty. I’m out all the time.”
“At what? Political events? Those don’t count. You can’t live without love, Sam.”
“We’re back to this, are we?”
“I know Asa fucked you up.”
“Don’t remind me of the bastard,” I mutter.
My ex wanted a film career, and when his agent told him to break up with me so his fans would see him as single—and therefore more attainable and desirable—he did.
“You can’t use him as an excuse to never fall in love again. He was ambitious and using your political connections to get noticed by Hollywood’s elite at those parties you always go to. JH is already there. He doesn’t need to use you, and I don’t think he would anyway. I think he likes being around you. Because you’re someone who is nice to be around.” She pokes my shoulder playfully.
“But being with him—it would just create problems. With his fans. With my grandfather’s campaign. With my job.”
“Answer me this: How much of what you do, do you do because you think you have to? Because someone else told you to do it? Because of a path you decided on when you were nineteen? It’s okay to change what you want.” She looks at me earnestly, and I take an eye off the road for a second, then return to driving. “You only get one life, at least as far as we know. You might as well spend it the way you want to.”
I nod.
“Try this, lawyer. Construct an argument as to why youcanhave what you want.”
“I can’t,” I mutter. “Because the truth is, I wanthim. But I don’t need him, and he doesn’t need me. We could go on about our lives and never cross paths again, and it would be perfectly fine.”
“That’s a lie, and you know it.”
“Do you really thinkJulian Hilland I are a good idea? On any level? Because this is big. He’sinternationalrock starbig.”
“He’s just a man. And yes, I think based on how you’re talking about him, it could be a good idea.” She grins. “Ooh! Then I’ll get to have the talk with him, the one where I threaten him if he hurts you. Oh, that is going to be an all-time high point.”
“I’m beginning to think you just want me to be with him so you can hang with him.”
“I want you to be happy. And if that happens to result in me spending more time with the love of my life—”
“You mean me.”
She snorts. “Yes. You. Julian’s a bonus.”
I pull up in front of her house. She leans over and kisses my cheek. “Think about being happy, Sam. You can. It’s okay.”
“Okay,” I say. And watch her walk up to her door, yoga mat under her arm.
CHAPTER22
Jules
You’d think a Malibu mansion would have enough space for two people.
You’d be wrong—at least if one of those two is my brother.
As I exit my bedroom, I hear him banging around downstairs, so I traipse down to see what he’s doing and find him in the library. I have a collection of art books on subjects including music and fashion, as well as novels and biographies.
Apparently none of my books are good enough for him, though, because he’s sitting at a table, flipping through the pages of a large coffee table book on film noir so violently I fear he may rip them out.
“What’s going on?” I ask, coming into the room.
