Page 74 of Ambiguous
Sam: I hope recording is still going well.
Jules: The shape of it, yeah. It’s not complete rubbish. And it feels good to be singing something new
Sam: Does it frighten you to write and sing songs about your fears? Or does it feel like you’re letting the fears go?
Jules: Both
Jules: Nervous energy that I transform into music and it makes me feel better
What I don’t text is that it also makes me horny. I don’t know why that is, except that I’m expressing so much emotion, maybe I need a different kind of release.
This is why groupies exist. Because there’s a high from performing, which translates to the need to keep it going.
Except that I don’t want to go findsomeone. I want one man.
Him.
My phone buzzes.
Sam: I’m so glad! Not just that you’re getting work done on the album, but that you’re transforming your vision into something that we can all experience.
Holding my phone, I look at his name and the contact photo I snapped of him, all sweet with his bow tie and golden hair.
I want to experiencehim.
But that’s not possible… yet.
So it’s me and my hand. I’m so tempted to text him something sexy.
Walking into the bathroom, I take off my clothes and turn on the shower. As I wait for the water to warm up, I take a photo of me making a face. Only I’m standing in front of the mirror, so you can see the back of my head, tilted up, my entire bare back, and my arse.
I shouldn’t send this. I should not. I never sext, because it can end up in the wrong hands.
But Sam feels like the right hands. Because he’s soon to be mine, once we work through all the shite in our way.
Also, I’m seeing space on my back that needs a tattoo.
Sod it.
Jules: Thanks for all your help. Gotta get cleaned up now
Jules: Found a spot for a new tattoo. See attached photo
Jules:
Three dots appear after the read receipt, and I hold my breath. Then they disappear. Then they appear again.
I start humming the song I wrote about those dots, because bloody hell, what’s he thinking? Did I just make a colossal mistake?
Finally, his text comes through before I go around the bend.
Sam: David Bowie in heaven, that is the sexiest picture I’ve ever seen.
Jules: Even with my tongue sticking out?
Sam:
Sam: Sorry, I hit send by accident. I don’t know what else to say but: can you please finish the album very fast? I want
