Page 81 of Ambiguous
“Let me show you, love.” I come up behind him, and he feels so snuggly, I can’t help grinding against him before I reach my arms around his hips and guide his movements.
Sam shudders, and I lean into him.
He hits the ball again, and this time it goes into the shrubbery. I try not to react, but then we look at each other and start laughing so hard we both double over.
My phone chimes with a familiar ringtone, and my face drops.
“What’s wrong?”
“It’s my brother.” I don’t answer the call. “I’ll talk to him later.”
Sam opens his mouth to ask, I’m sure, and then closes it.
Giving me privacy.
And for that, I want to tell him every single thing about me.
“Since Colin moved in, he’s been a problem. He’s asked me for money. He doesn’t seem to be trying to find a job. He’s estranged from his wife.” I rub my face. “I worry about him.”
“What’s he calling you for now?”
“No clue. But it’s never to ask about me. Not really.”
“I’m sorry.”
I glance at him. “Colin’s been jealous of me ever since we both tried out for that talent show. I got on, and it launched my career—and he didn’t make the cut. Not many people know that.”
“I can see how that would be hard. For both of you.”
“Do you ever get frustrated with your family? Feel that they’ve just asked for one too many things?”
“All the time.”
“Yeah,” I say. “You go to so many events for them. What would happen if you declined to go to one?”
Sam blanches. “I mean, I could.” He looks at me, and I can’t read his expression. It’s not exactly shame, but… it’s nothing good. “I’ve spent my whole life trying to go along with what everyone else told me to be and work really hard at a respectable job, because I have this basic defect in my character.”
“What defect?”
“That I like men.”
That makes my heart hurt. “You know that’s internalized homophobia.”
“I do,” he says sadly.
“Might be internalized capitalism, too.”
Sam presses his lips together. “That’s a new one for me.”
“The idea that we must always be working? I think you Americans have it more. Europeans are better at taking time off. Although some are still workaholics and sacrifice fun for money. But to what end?”
“To what end is right.” Sam sighs. “Hanging out with you is making me realize there’s more to life than keeping my house pristine.”
“You can do whatever you want with your life.”
He nods.
“Pristine house, eh?”
