Page 122 of Hyperspeed
But I held back. Not after he’d turned his back on me. This time, he’d come back, but what about next time?
What if I slipped up, crossed a line he couldn’t forgive? When Kai decided once more that being with me was more than he could bear?
I’d shatter.
It was safer to stay alone. Less risk, less pain, less chance of getting hurt.
I was always an outsider. People stared at me like I was some kind of sideshow, whispered behind my back, and mocked me for being different.
As a kid, I’d tried to make friends—to let people in—but the moment a bully called me a freak, they would all disappear, choosing the easy way of fitting in over standing by the kid whose skin glowed like a torch.
In the end, I was always alone.
The only people I trusted to stick around were my family. But on the worst days, irrational thoughts crept in. Thoughts that maybe they stayed only because we were bound by blood, not because I was someone worth keeping.
Deep down, I knew it was ridiculous.
Of course my family loved me. I could murder someone, and Grandma would offer to help bury the body, Mum would scrub the crime scene spotless, and Dad would have the getaway shuttle ready.
Kai was the wildcard.
He’d told me he was falling for me, and truth? I was just as fucked up over him, even if saying it out loud made me want to throw up.
We’d had six weeks of something real, maybe even perfect, but at the first hurdle, we hit the ground so hard it knocked the wind out of me. Like that stupid three-legged race all over again, except this time, Kai’s rock-hard abs weren’t there to catch me.
I didn’t know which cut deeper. The doubt in his eyes when I said Cass’s death was an accident, or the weight of him saying he couldn’t handle me.
So I shut Kai out.
I ignored every call, every message, every knock at my door.
Though it wasn’t easy, since he’d showed up on my doorstep every night since the incident. He was relentless. Part of that maddening charm I both loved and hated.
But with every knock, every flower, every quiet gift he left behind, Kai made it clear I still mattered. That even if I’d closed the door on him, he hadn’t forgotten me. And no matter how hard I tried to push him away, I held onto that.
Because I wasn’t ready for the day he stopped trying.
It wasn’t about being materialistic or needing yet another bouquet to join the growing collection stuffed into glasses and mugs on my kitchen island.
It was about what the silence would mean. That Kai had given up. That he’d stopped caring, stopped trying. That he was giving me what he thought I wanted. WhatIthought I wanted.
A life without him in it.
The idea of living a life without Kai made my chest ache, so much so that I’d considered going to the hospital once or twice, just to get it checked out.
But even with the pain gnawing at me, I still couldn’t face him at Cass’s funeral.
I hadn’t wanted to go at all, not even after the CRF cleared me, ruling the crash an accident.
New footage had surfaced from alternate angles, clips that hadn’t aired during the live broadcast. Together with the video of me falling apart outside the cave, it was enough to exonerate me. Enough to silence the trolls and stop the threats flooding my inbox and comment sections.
But none of it brought Cass back. And none of it made me feel any less hollow.
In the end, it was Mum who got me there, though it took a lot of heavy lifting.
She dragged me off the couch, shoved me into the shower, and dressed me like I was a kid again, fixing my hair until I looked presentable. Then she flew me to the crematorium on Cass’s home planet and waited outside in the shuttle park, promising to take me home when it was over.
I offered my condolences to Cass’s wife and family, and they assured me they didn’t blame me.
