Page 128 of Hyperspeed
“I do.” A lump clogged my throat, and my voice cracked. “But he walked away, and I can’t let him do it again. I . . . I’m too scared.”
“My darling.” She pulled me closer, and I rested my head on her bony shoulder.
“Everyone walks away. They leave because I’m a freak. I’m too much, too different.” I choked back a sob. “B-But Kai didn’t. He saw me, all of me, and he s-stayed. He told me I w-was safe with him, that I . . . I could trust him.”
The words caught in my throat.
“But then he said he couldn’t h-handle me. And it hurt so m-much worse than all the others, because . . . because . . .” I broke off, trembling.
“Because you love him,” Grandma whispered.
I couldn’t say the words. They were too big—too painful, because he wasn’t around to hear them.
But they were true.
So fucking true, my heart should be bursting.
I’d never been in love before, and somehow I’d fallen hard for Kai. But he was nowhere to be found, and instead of joy there was only this deep, aching pain that felt like it was crushing me from the inside.
Stars, wasthiswhy I’d been so miserable?
I told myself again and again that I’d be better off without him. I thought shutting him out would protect my heart from the agony of losing him again.
But it only made the pain worse. Because losing him once was unbearable, and the idea of losing him twice felt impossible to survive.
Grandma placed a kiss on the top of my head. “Remember the colour you asked me about? Well, I think it’s time I told you what it meant.”
I sat up, using my sleeve to wipe away some tears and snot. Despite the mess, Grandma took my hands and held them in her lap.
“If you’re about to tell me it means love,” I said with a shaky, self-deprecating laugh. “I think that might actually break me.”
“You’ve seen the colours of love with your parents,va’tari. It’s not the same, is it?”
“Okay, so what the hell does amethyst mean?”
The moment might have been tender, but that didn’t stop Grandma from reaching over and giving my ear a sharp pinch.
“Watch your mouth,” she scolded, and I winced, muttering an apology.
“Right,” she said, settling back. “It’ll make more sense if I start with our history.”
“I already know our history.”
“Not everything, you don’t,” she huffed. “Now listen.”
I sat up straighter, just to avoid another flick of her long nails.
“Before Iskanya’s destruction, amethyst lights shone across the planet. It was a symbol of community, of being connected to each other. And the lights were amethyst because that was the colour the Iskari’s marks glowed when they found their home.”
Her words hit me like a wave. My heart caught in my chest, and my stomach twisted with the weight of it.
“We seldom see it anymore. Our community broke apart and scattered, causing the sense of connection to fade. And how can we feel like we belong anywhere, when everything that once tied us together is gone?”
“So, if that’s the c-case,” I stammered. “Then why . . .”
“Why do you see it with Kai?” She smiled at me with that soft, knowing look. Like the answer had been there all along. “I think you already know,va’tari.”
“Because I . . . I b-belong with Kai.” My breath caught on a sob. “I found my home. My . . . my s-safe place.”
