Page 150 of Things I Wish I Said
“Unless you don’t . . .” She trails off, a crease in her brow and a flicker of uncertainty in her tiger eyes that I rarely see.
A dry laugh escapes my parted lips. “Oh, I want to. Trust me.” As if to emphasize this point, I thrust into her now loosened grip.
Ryleigh grunts. “Then what are you waiting for?”
I reach up, brushing a thumb over her cheekbone. “If we do this, I’m not walking away. I won’t be able to, and I wouldn’t want to even if I could.” I search her eyes for understanding. “If we do this, you’re mine. I know I’m leaving for school soon, but we’ll figure it out. Because when we get home, there’s no more pretending. No more wish. As of this moment, right now, neither of us are single anymore and whatever lies ahead, we face together. As a couple.” I swallow, knowing what that could mean, but also knowing it might break me entirely if things don’t work out the way I want them to, if Ryleigh . . .
I can’t say it. Can’t even think it.
“Are you asking me to be your girlfriend, Slugger?” Ry flashes me a sly smile.
I brush a lock of hair from her face. “I guess I am.”
She bites her lower lip, her hazel eyes clouded with emotion. “You remember the offer you made me?”
To pay for the trial.
I nod, my spine stiff as I say, “It still stands.”
“I might take you up on it.” She blushes, her cheeks and chest flushing pink as she quickly adds, “Or maybe I’ll findanother way, but I—"
I cut her off with a kiss.
Hope fills my chest like an eagle, spreading its wings, filling all the empty spaces inside of me as I pull back once more, needing to look into her eyes when I say, “Anything you want, Sinclair, it’s yours. But in return, I want all of you. Not just the parts you’re willing to give right now. I want the good, the bad, and the ugly. I want you just as you are.”
Her throat bobs, and for a moment, I think she’ll say no.
If she does, I’ll climb off her and go to sleep or I’ll make her feel good first—whatever she wants—but I can’t be with her unless she agrees.
“Okay,” she breathes.
“Then you need to take everything off.”
Her mouth twitches. “I might be new at this, but I kind of figured out that part already.”
I stare down at her, my expression unwavering as my gaze flickers to her wig and her smile fades. “Everything, Ry.” I tug a lock of the hair she wears to hide her illness from the world. “I want all of you or none of you. There’s no hiding from me.”
Chapter thirty-five
RYLEIGH
My heart pounds, abass drum in my chest.
The only person who has ever seen me without even a silk scarf over my head is my mother.
I’m not ashamed of my battle with cancer, but I can’t help the self-consciousness that comes with the hair loss, with feeling like I’m not as pretty, or weird, or different.
And I hate that I feel that way, but I do.
Since I finished chemo, a fine stubble has started to form. It’ll be months before I have anything resembling a pixie cut, and I pine for the day, resigned to covering my head until I do. Revealing myself to someone as sinfully hot as Grayson is even more disconcerting than a stranger, because I care what he thinks.
If I remove my wig and the longing fades from his eyes, I might never recover.
I swallow, my nostrils flaring as I hold his gaze, so filled with affection, it eases the fear of rejection ballooning inside my chest.
I can trust him with this—with me.
I nod, and he helps me sit.
