Page 33 of A Summer to Save Us
As long as you run lines?
Longer than I’ve been snorting lines.
He writes the last on the pad before grabbing his shower stuff out of his bag and disappearing into the bathroom.
What are your Big Five, Spock?I ask Mr. Spock on my phone when River is finally in the shower, briefly explaining to him what they are. Of course, I also ask how his arm is doing, even though he probably doesn’t want to talk about it. Mr. Spock doesn’t reply; perhaps he’s playing another FPS game or watchingStar Trek. Next, I click on the message from Dad, who actually sent me a voice message.
“Kansas Montgomery, I don’t know what to say anymore.” He never does, but his voice trembles with anger. “Mr. Thompson called earlier and asked me if you were sick again. For once, I lied for you. Where the hell are you? I thought you were staying over at Samantha’s house?”
There’s a second message he sent late in the afternoon: “I asked Clark to ask Chester for this girl’s address.” He asked Chester’s father for help? “I assume you know what Chester told me. There is no girl named Samantha at your school. Chester is worried about you. He says you’ve been acting strange lately.And you... supposedly... were involved with several boys the other day.” I’m almost breathless! “Kansas, that’s...” Dad snorts, unable to continue talking for a few seconds. He takes a few deep breaths and then says, “He wanted me to keep him updated. He blames himself. Is it because of him? Didn’t you and Arizona have enough grief over him?” My dad pauses again as if he’s waiting for an answer. “Get in touch. Today, that is.”
I press my nails tightly into my hand. The pain is all-encompassing, like red-hot iron on my skin.
How can he believe those lies? I feel sick when I realize what it all means.
Chester has taken precautions. Of course, no one would believe me after that!
With trembling fingers, I clutch my cell phone, which suddenly beeps. I stare at the screen that shows a push notification.
It was hot with you tonight. Should we repeat later?–H.
I stare at my phone in disbelief. It goes bing-bing-bing, and three more messages appear.
Great show. Please, give us more. – B.
You’re quite direct. I never thought you would want that too. – E.
If you say anything, I’ll finish you. Not a word. To anyone.
The last message self-destructs, and I curse the day we were forced into chat groups at school so that now everyone has my number. I tried to block Chester, but he keeps messaging me from other people’s accounts.
It was hot with you... H.Hunter?
Nausea rises in my throat like caustic brew in a test tube.
Even now that I’m gone, the terror doesn’t stop. Why won’t they leave me alone? Of course, they don’t know if I’ll be back tomorrow. Chester probably thinks I’m hiding somewhere or that I’ve sought refuge in counseling and reporting him.
I simply turn the phone off again, though I’m still completely beside myself later as I rinse myself off in the shower. Maybe they’re distributing fake sex tapes of me, videos where you can’t see the head. I don’t know. Dad will die of embarrassment, even without the sex tapes. Everyone will believe I’m the biggest slut in school. For a moment, I press my hands over my eyes and take a deep breath.
Actually, I don’t care about Dad, Arizona, and James. Let them believe I’m with some guys; they won’t call the police. That would be far too embarrassing for Dad. I’ll just write about a different guy every day.
Basically, it’stheoption if I don’t want to be searched for. Still, the thought of it gives me a sour feeling in my throat again. I don’t want them to think that of me.
I get out of the shower, my limbs stiff, and wrap myself in a cheap yellow motel towel. I stand in the steamy bathroom for a moment. My mind is empty, but I feel the intense burning in my palm even more strongly. I look at it almost impassively. It looks like a predator stuck its claw into it. My lifeline is a mix of scar tissue and exposed flesh.
“Kansas?” I hear River call from outside. “Knock on the door if you understand me.”
It’s unbelievable, but after just a few hours, he understands me better than my family! I tap the wood tentatively with my right hand.
“I’m going out for a moment. Promise me you won’t do anything stupid? If so, knock again.”
He’s probably going to see Mariah. I knock again, even though I wish he would stay.
“I can’t tell if you’re lying!” River replies reproachfully from outside.
Now I have to smile.It was your idea, I think.
“Write down your Big Five. And be honest about them.”
