Page 180 of Lana Pecherczyk
I want you to be my only safe word, too.
River froze, his grip slackening. His head whipped toward the sound. She stood ten feet away, horror etched on her face. Wind whipping her hair, slashing streaks against her tear-stained face.
“You said it,” he muttered, surprised.
“I shouted ‘River’ first, but you weren’t listening!”
Not listening.
Not…
River’s eyes clashed with Cloud’s.
Because you weren’t fucking listening!You didn’t get it!
The trove. All the secrets kept. A sickening lurch of self-loathing hit River as his fingers slackened around Cloud’s throat. But the bastard, he held River’s hands there. He forced the chokehold, eyes flashing with silent, bitter challenge.
Do it,his eyes seemed to say.Put me out of my misery. I’m alone.
River tensed. Steeled himself. Maybe this was a kindness. Maybe this was River listening now.
Blake’s disappointment sliced through their bond like a physical blow. He glanced back at her in time to see her pushing through the gathering onlookers, melting into the darkness beyond the torchlit caravans. Gone.
She thinks I chose this. Chose vengeance.
All that kindness and understanding she’d given him, given his family, when her own world had been ripped to shreds…
“Don’t come crying to me,” Cloud spat, “when she breaks your heart,Manfri.”
His words should ignite fury in River. Even guilt. But all he could think of was all of the mementos Cloud had saved in his trove—experiences with this kettle, with his triad, but a ton more of Rory.
And River … he’d not listened. He’d…
You have to acknowledge the break first. You can’t fix it if you can’t see exactly where it happened and why.
Cloud still held River’s wrists, pushing his hands against his throat. A one-handed chokehold. Willow told her parents this was how he’d gripped Rory, dangling over the airship. He had her by the throat and Willow by the arm. He’d tried to save them both, but had to make a choice—save an innocent, or the enemy.
Be a savior or a villain.
And he couldn’t. He’d roared in Rory’s face, bellowed his rage, refusing to sacrifice her.
So Rory chose for him.
She became the villain so he didn’t have to.
“I know why,” River whispered, the realization hitting him, “why you didn’t let me help you. Why you shut me out.”
Cloud shoved River away, eyes narrowed. “Because you’re a predictable, self-serving cunt?”
River laughed, wet and ragged. “Yeah.”
“What?”
“I promised you’d never be alone.” The truth hurt. “But when you were drowning in it, drowning in her … I fucking panicked.” The confession tore through him. “Long before they locked you up in Crystal City, before we were a triad, I was jealous. Afraid of losing you, losing us. So I pushed you away first. Like a fucking coward.”
Uncertainty flickered in Cloud’s stunned eyes.
“I saw the signs,” River pushed on, the truth pouring out. “Knew something had happened between you and Rory. You tried to tell me about something special, but couldn’t. And thenyou were spiraling. And I…” His voice cracked. “I knew deep inside, but still I let you fall alone.”
