Page 33 of Just Like You
How to ruin a date in one simple sentence, but he just smiled.
“Hey, my contacts are out; I can’t see a thing either. But I heard the waiter recommend it.”
“So we’re both blind, sat here trying to read a menu neither of us can see?”
I loved how he laughed. How we did stupid things like this, and how it wasn’t as bad as I made it seem. It was fine. I was an idiot, and he just accepted that.
I loved that he did. That he didn’t roll his eyes at me or scold me with harsh words.
I could be embarrassing, I knew that. And that was the last thing I wanted to be here. I wanted to be perfectly acceptable and make him smile, the way he did now, adjusting himself in the seat.
“It doesn’t have to be fancy. Let’s just eat something, then I’ll take you back and put you to bed.”
“Okay,” I said quietly.
“To sleep. No more fucking. My arse needs a break.”
“Sorry.” I grinned. Hadn’t meant to but yeah, he was smiling too. Like we agreed thatthatpart? Yes. Good. Very good.
“I keep thinking,” he said quietly. “How nice this is.”
Okay, I took it all back. I wanted to scoop him up in my arms and run away so I would never have to be without him again. Insanity speaking again, but that’s how I felt.
“Told you,” I replied softly. “It’s perfect.”
“It’s been a few hours, Kieron. I still have no idea who you are or why the hell I agreed to bring you here, but you were right about one thing. You’re good company. It’s been, honestly, lovely so far.”
“I can imagine.” I tried to sit up straighter. “That doing this job can get lonely, but also, I get what you said earlier, that you like your own space. Being able to come to a place like this and just enjoy it without any expectations or other people telling you what to do. Just to sit here and exist. I felt that earlier, how incredibly…”
Okay, now I was talking nonsense. Complete rubbish.
“Yes?” He leant forward in his seat as the waiter came and topped up our glasses.
I couldn’t even open my mouth, but he seemed to understand, quickly and politely getting all the words out, thanking the waiter and asking for more water, when I couldn’t even make myself speak.
“You were saying?” He took another sip of wine, my muddled brain just staring at his lips.
“I felt…honest,” came out of my mouth. “I don’t know why, but in my work, I sell things that don’t exist. I sell a dream of success, of huge incomes and massive sales and increased profits and… It’s all lies. It’s things I make up, and it becomes so normal in your head that you forget what life can be like when you don’t have to lie. When you can just exist, quietly in your own space.”
“I absolutely get that,” he said, nodding like he did.
“Sorry, I’m talking nonsense.”
“No, you’re not. I think there’s probably more to what you’re saying, especially as a queer man.”
“A queer man.” I smiled. “I don’t quite live my life like a queer man. I work and eat and sleep, and sometimes opportunities present themselves, and the rest of the time, my head is too muddled to even register where I am. Work does that to you. I go out and drink with my colleagues on a Friday afternoon. I catch up with people. The weekends? I still sit at home with my laptop open, and I work.”
“I’m starting to see why you need me.” His voice was soft and gentle. And for the second time today? I felt like I was about to burst into tears.
“I think,” I said, snorting and looking away. Trying desperately to talk like a normal person. “I am starting to understand my mum. People thought she was a complete nutter, but she wasn’t. She just had all these ideas of things she wanted to do. She didn’t want a boyfriend or a high-flying job. She had lots of money, trust funds and income from her family’s holdings, but she didn’t care. She just wanted to be happy and live and show me all these things she found fascinating. It was a brilliant childhood. I just didn’t…”
Fuck.
“You didn’t understand the need for more. The…drugs? Perhaps she masked it well.”
“She did. I was just a kid.”
“Exactly. And sometimes we do bad things. Sometimes we feel sad, and sometimes it’s not even us. The world can be a terrifying place.”
