Page 44 of Just Like You
“And he doesn’t want to be found. That is his right. In cases like this? You need to learn to let go. Admit defeat and nurse that heartbreak. Did you talk to Gina?”
“Yes. But. I didn’t tell her the whole story. I don’t want her to worry and think I’ve completely lost it.”
“You haven’t completely lost it. I could tell you some stories of what it’s like when you completely lose yourself. Trust me, not a good place to be, but you’re okay, Kieron. You’re here, and you’re talking, and that is all you need to do. Get it all out. So you spent the week with Julian, and you fell head over heels into a fantasy that then crashed all around you. Normal. Completely normal. It hurts, and it will hurt, for a while. But you have some good memories, and you need to try to remember those. That, for a few precious days, you had something. Something really good that made you happy. If you could feel like that once? You could feel it again. That is what you need to hold on to here. That you have that in you, and that someone else can be what is missing in your life. We’ve talked about this before, the way you felt that you were never going to connect with anyone. Not like you just did. So see? We got somewhere this week.”
“Why do I always feel like you’re my therapist?”
“I’d make a very good therapist. I got my vocation wrong, didn’t I?”
“You did. You and that Faye, you could dump this place and open your very own therapy spa. Sit on cushy armchairs and sip ginger tea and put people’s heads back together.”
“Is that what I’ve just done?” She grinned, looking awfully proud of herself.
“Well, I’m not sure if I should throw myself out of a window or go punch someone on the way down to get Taneesha’s bloody drink.”
“No jumping out of windows. You are not your mother.”
“Thanks for bringing that up.”
“You’re welcome. Sometimes you need reminding that there’s nothing wrong with you. Nothing at all. You’re just you. Slightly misguided at times, and you need to work on that short fuse of yours, but other than that? I’m with Gina. You’re pretty awesome. Nice photos in the Guardian, by the way. Not sure what the photographer was focusing on, your blotchy tan or Gina’s cleavage.”
“Juliet.” I sighed, but I had to laugh. “Who’s the misogyny-filled wanker now?”
“Oh shush, I’m just jealous. I want perfect boobs. I don’t even stand a chance against hers.”
“Envy is not an attractive trait.”
“Millions of men envy you, getting to hang out with a woman like her.”
“I’ve known her since we were thirteen.”
“And you fucked her. That puts you right at the top of the envy bracket.”
“The fuck, Jules? Professionalism? I don’t expect my boss to discuss my sex life with such blatant disregard for my privacy. I think I may have to go write a grievance report myself.”
“Says the guy who taught me all about dildos. Butt plugs. I think you and I have enough ammunition to keep each other in employment for the rest of our lives.”
“I don’t care. They’re just sex toys. Tell me one person in this office who’s never had one up their arse. Everyone has, and they still lie about it.”
She raised her hand, a little too fast.
“Liar,” I boomed.
“Ah, ah, ah,” she scolded. “Ihavehad things up my arse; I just don’t lie about it.”
“Point taken.”
“Kieron, you’ve gotta do the work. And you have to behave. Those two conditions are not negotiable in our little agreement here. And if you need to talk? My office is always open. Come talk. Cry on my fucking shoulder because God knows I cried enough on yours. But don’t fuck me around because I don’t appreciate it.”
“I don’t fuck you around.” I tried to rack my brain. I hadn’t done anything shady. I’d attended meetings and done the legwork. Sorted the contracts. Maybe…bribed Maura.
“You fuck around with everything and everyone. Not like that, but you have to try to follow the rules. For once? Play nice. And Maura is not one to be messed with either. Therefore, tell me what youneed. You need me to find this Julian and deliver his head on a stake or what?”
“Can you do that?” I tried to smile when I really wanted to cry.
“How long has it been? Since, you know. Last contact?”
“Five days.” I grimaced. “I said goodbye to him by the aircraft door, and then he just…vanished. Never answers his phone. Ghosted me completely. And even worse?”
