Page 48 of Just Like You
“I know,” I said. I wasn’t sure I did.
“Eat.” Sonny wafted his hand in my face. “And then I’ll tell you all about the doorman last night, who I blew in the cloakroom and then he came all over my face and told me to lick myself clean. I mean. Did he think I was some kind of lizard? Guy had obviously watched too much dodgy porn, and at the end of the day? Didn’t even get fucked. Didn’t offer up anything. Most disappointing.”
“It always is.”
“Yes. But I’m not finished yet. I walked back out to the bar, and guess who is draped over a chair looking like he’s gasping for a bit of action?”
“Who?”
I actually smiled. No idea how I managed that.
“Dennis. Guy I fucked two weeks ago. He was right there to put me out of my misery. Went back to his, and not only did I get myself cleaned up, but he gave me a right good seeing to. Has a big dick and knows how to use it.”
And right on cue? Again? I burst into tears like an idiot.
Things didn’t get better. I hid the watch before Sonny could get his hands on it, and he duly threatened me with death and destruction if I didn’t hand it over.
I couldn’t explain my inability to do just that, and perhaps I was just still grieving over something in my head.
I barely know the guy! And now I’m hoarding his watch like some deranged monster?
I knew something, though, that when he had been snuggling up to me and I had held him? There had been something there that I failed to let go of. Something calm and warm and soothing inside of me, a feeling that I could still feel. Every time his face popped into my head? I cringed on the outside and bled on the inside. The thought of him? And then the thought of him hurting? I hoped he wasn’t. I hoped he’d forgotten all about me.
Even worse. He belonged to someone else. He had a girlfriend. One he hadn’t even mentioned, and that?
Unforgivable. Weird. Arsehole.
I hadn’t cried as much as I did that week since I’d lost my mum, and it was all his fault.
Sonny dragged me through it, his moods switching from pure anger and threatening to cut off my balls if I didn’t sharpen up to holding me at night when I couldn’t stop raging. I was going insane, and there was nothing either of us could do to stop it.
He left me to go to work, and I was supposed to get ready for my next shift. Pack my bag and organise my paperwork. Charge my devices and upload information.
I couldn’t even look at my bag without bursting into tears.
Everything was doing my head in. I needed to do something. Rip that plaster off as Sonny had said. Get some rage out of my system so I could go to work and not sit in the briefing room trying to hold back tears.
Fuck.
I got myself into a state, pacing my living room with my phone in my hand. I tried to scream. Shout. I put my bin out in the road ready for collection and kicked the shit out of the hard plastic, right there for the neighbours to see.
I was livid. Disappointed in myself. Angry. Heartbroken and sad. Betrayed. Every emotion making me weaker by the second.
So I did the only thing I could do. I went inside and slammed my front door shut. Then I pressed his number and put the phone to my ear, letting the dial tone ramp up my anger even further.
“Julian?” His voice sent daggers through my body, making me shake. I couldn’t control it. I had no coping mechanisms for things like this. I never had. I hadn’t coped with people in the past, and I definitely couldn’t cope with him. Not here. Not now. Not ever.
“You lied,” I screeched. “You lied, and I believed it. I fell for everything you told me, and now look at me?”
I wanted to slam the phone down. I wanted to scream.
Instead, in proper Julian fashion, I burst into tears.
Chapter Fourteen
Kieron
“Julian,” I said softly, trying not to drop the phone from my shaking hands. I was in a meeting and quietly excused myself as he repeatedly shouted vitriol into my ear. I didn’t blame him. It wasn’t the first time I’d caused people to lose their patience with me or the first time I had misread a situation and caused exactly this. Tears and pain and hurt.
