Page 55 of Just Like You
She just glared at me, standing there with a teaspoon in her hand.
“They’re too big. Don’t you know I am aware of that? You can stare; everyone does. But just like you put your uniform on and go to work, this is what pays my bills. I get jobs just by looking like this. Stupid and vapid, but that is the reality. I don’t mind, it’s work. It’s something I can do, that sometimes brings good things to people who need it. These boobs may be ridiculous, but they keep me employed and make people give money to charitable causes. And you know what? One day, my appeal will fade. Someone else will take my place, and the beloved TV personality Gina DeSanto will be old news. And the day that happens? It will be a relief because these things will get removed and my hair will be cut, and I will just quietly fade out of the limelight with my dignity intact, never to be recognised again. You see what I mean?”
I did actually, nodding and taking a sip of my tea, still standing by the kitchen counter.
“Sit,” she demanded. I did as I was told.
“Why are you here?” I had to take some control, and she seemed to appreciate my efforts.
“I assume you have some knowledge of who I am. Kieron hasn’t got that mindset, that I’m some kind of famous person. To him, I’m just scruffy Gina from his misspent youth.”
“You’re not scruffy.” Why was I even talking?
“I was back then. Abusive home, a stepdad who should have been in prison, and me trying to just survive. He beat up my mum, and I ended up in foster care. First place I landed? A transient group home, and boys and girls were not supposed to be housed together. But I had short-cropped hair, because I kept getting head lice, and somehow? It was a right fuck-up, but I got to share a room with Kieron. And for three glorious weeks, he kept me sane. He was just a kid, but we were terrified of each other, of everything around us, and the world felt like it was just caving in. He held my hand at night when I told him all my secrets. He told me nothing. But he held on to that hand. Things like that change a person. Then all hell broke loose, and I was yanked away and forced to take a pregnancy test. I was thirteen, for heaven’s sake. But there you go. Not all grown-ups should be in employment. Some should be locked up forever. Stupid people.”
She tutted. “And that part is not in my autobiography.”
“I’ll have to read it now.”
“Don’t. It’s all a load of ghostwritten bullshit. They even got my parents’ names wrong. But real life doesn’t sell copies, so things were changed to make the public love me.”
“Do they love you?”
She laughed. “I see why Kieron loves you. You bite back. I like that. And yes, I have a certain appeal, and if you watch daytimetelevision, you’ll find me on the ITV morning sofa every Thursday. Nine to eleven.”
“I wouldn’t know.”
“Your mum would.”
“She’s dead.”
“So’s mine. Went back to the bastard and let him take her out.”
“Gina…” I didn’t know if I was supposed to hug her or roll my eyes, but she just smiled.
“Julian, let me finish speaking. You keep pushing me off track!”
“I’m sorry.” I smiled. She did too. I thought I kind of liked her, with the way she huffed at me and rolled her eyes in return. Sipping her tea as she adjusted her hair. Long strands of black between her fingers.
“Kieron is the most important person in my life. He stayed with me, then kept coming to find me wherever I went. I lived with my aunt for a bit, then moved on to another foster home, and then with some ridiculous man I thought was a boyfriend. I found an agent and started modelling, saved up enough for a boob job and got more jobs. Did some ridiculous stunts for social media and got myself noticed. Did some drugs. Those were not good for me.”
“I can imagine.”
“It took a few knocks for me to see that. Kieron stuck me in rehab and wasted his entire allowance on paying my way. It was fucked up to the max, but he did it. Then I got out and relapsed. That was the only time in our entire relationship when he almost lost itwith me. Barked abuse at me square in the face, that’s how angry he was. Because I didn’t care and because I was so hooked on trying to numb everything around me. That’s what happens when you’re let loose at thirteen. When you’re so neglected that you don’t understand how to look after yourself because other people never did. But Kieron did. He taught me how to care if I lived or died. He taught me how to love because he loved me, so fiercely that it was almost suffocating me at one point. But I needed it. Trust me, Julian, I needed him. And he got me sorted, in the end. I’m clean now, don’t even drink anymore. When you see pictures in the press of me doing events? The champagne in my hand is alcohol free. Kieron sorts that. I only drink things he has put in my hand, and I only go to those things if he’s there to keep me sane. It’s not fun. It’s not relaxing. It’s hell on wheels from start to finish, and nobody can do that on their own. I know how to now, how to smile with nothing in my system. How to breathe when it feels like I’m hanging from a rope. And how to get away with the illusion of everything being a fairy tale when I still go home and wonder if I’ll manage to sleep. It’s just the way life is.”
“I’m sorry,” I said. What the hell else was I supposed to say?
“Don’t be. I have agents and managers and a whole team of support people who make me get up in the morning and stick to my schedule, but I’m going to get to the point of my story now.”
“Okay?”
“Kieron is a good guy. He may be totally misguided at times; he’s stubborn as hell and can be an absolute arsehole. His temper can flare, and that fuse on him is short and violent. But he’s never laid a finger on anyone. Not on my watch. You just need to grab holdof him and tell him how loved he is. How much he means to me and how much he means to you. I think he means something to you because otherwise, you wouldn’t be sat here looking like you want to kill me with that watch on your wrist.”
“I don’t want to kill you.”
“I’m not his girlfriend. He’s not mine, he never has been. We’ve fucked, and at one point fucked so much that I thought I might need a hip replacement. We were young and stupid.”
“Gina.” I must have been making a face because she just laughed.
