Page 70 of The House Guest
The situation with Casey, though, was different than anything that had come before it. Since my pregnancy with Rosie was accidental, at first he and I might’ve been together out of a sense of obligation. But over time, he’dproven trustworthy. If the situation had been different, I might’ve broken up with Casey before I had the chance to learn what a stand-up guy he really was. While I’d always be scarred by Dorian, Iwastruly working on not taking out my fears and bad experiences on a good man who didn’t deserve it.
If my relationship with Dorian had been like a fast-moving luxury boat that wound up on stormy seas, my time with Casey was a smooth tugboat ride on a sunny day, slow and steady. Casey was dependable, loving, and a damn good father. I had no regrets, even if the level of passion I’d once experienced with the man who broke me was something I didn’t have with my current partner. But you know what? That kind of fire only gets you burned. Casey was a warm breeze that kept me comfortable and safe. That’s what I needed in my life.
“Do you not feel fulfilled?” he suddenly asked.
Feeling ashamed and, sadly, also somewhat seen, I said, “Why would you ask that?”
“I know you’re not really practicing your art, and we don’t have the space for a studio.”
Relief washed over me as I realized he wasn’t referring to our relationship.
“What, you don’t think drawing animals to order for kids is my life’s dream?” I teased.
About a year ago, I’d decided I needed to do something for myself. I was a stay-at-home mom with a two-year-old and going a bit stir crazy. So, I’d started a business called Paint with Primrose. I’d travel to kids’ birthday parties, paint their faces, paint animals to order, and do caricatures of people. Turns out there was a real marketfor it. I’d put up fliers around the city and often found myself booked at least two Saturdays a month. The extra money was helpful, but mostly it saved my sanity. It certainly wasn’t perfecting my talent, but it was a way to make some extra cash and keep my creative well from running completely dry.
“I’m sorry if I seem a little sad today. There’s no good reason for it,” I assured him. “Just one of those days.” I shook my head. “I suppose sometimes I think back to my life in California and the amount of free time I had to explore my art and miss it. But the truth is, nothing is stopping me from picking it back up again.”
Well, nothing besides the artistic drive I seemed to have lost. Dorian had taken my creativity with him. Something had died inside me the day he broke my heart, and I hadn’t been able to get it back.
“Well, if you ever want to go out back and do your thing in the sunroom on Sundays, I’ll take Rosie to one of those indoor kids’ gyms so you can work in peace.”
I smiled. Casey was so thoughtful. He worked hard during the week but was eager to spend time with his daughter any chance he got. It would’ve been smart of me to take him up on his offer of some alone time on Sundays. That room was at the back of the house and mostly used for storage. It was surrounded by windows that let the sun in beautifully, and I’d often toyed with the idea of turning it into an art space. Maybe this was my chance to see that through.
“I really appreciate that.” I reached up on my tippy toes to kiss him. “And I appreciate you. Thank you.”
“I love you, baby,” he said before walking away to join our daughter in the living room.
After he left, guilt settled in my stomach. I hated not being a hundred-percent honest with him. At the same time, some things were better kept inside, weren’t they? Especially when my inner thoughts and feelings didn’t always make sense. Like still being affected by a man who’d treated me like dirt.
Thankfully, moments like the one I’d experienced in the bridal shop today were rare. Overall, I’d done a good job of burying thoughts of Dorian. However, when those moments did arise, I sometimes found myself tempted to search for him online, something I’d forbidden myself to do to protect my mental health. Like all the other times, I let the urge pass tonight, not giving in, and once again ensuring that I stayed focused on my future, not the past.
CHAPTER 19
A few days later, I woke up in a sweat, my body buzzing from head to toe. This wasn’t the first sex dream I’d had involving Dorian. But it was the first one in a year—probably triggered by the incident at the bridal shop.
We’d been back at the mansion pool, and Dorian had done a body shot off of me. But unlike real life, this version had morphed into something altogether different. His head had been between my legs after he’d poured tequila over my clit, licking it off. My brain was incredibly cruel for creating these dream sequences when I’d been working so hard to block him from my mind. These vivid sexual dreams felt like setbacks, even if they shouldn’t have meant anything. Why couldn’t I have had these dreams about Casey, or literallyanyoneelse in the world but Dorian Vanderbilt? Maybe because the more you try to bury things that remain unresolved, the more your subconscious works to bring them out. And there was nothing I’d tried to bury deeper than Dorian.
“Are you okay?” Casey asked.
Shit. “I’m okay,” I answered as I caught my breath.
“You were breathing heavily in your sleep. You should maybe get checked for sleep apnea.”
Trust me, that’s not the problem. “Was I?”
“Yeah. Moving around a lot, too. Your legs were wiggling.”
No surprise there.“I think I was just having a bad dream.”About my ex-boyfriend’s head between my legs.
“I’m sorry you had a nightmare.”
“Me, too. Thank you.” I sighed as I rolled over. “Maybe I should try…taping my mouth or something.”
Casey wrapped his arms around me from behind. As he held me, I felt both guilt and relief. Somewhere in my subconscious I was still lusting for Dorian Vanderbilt, but in reality, I had Casey, someone unlike Dorian whom I could trust and who truly loved me. Someone I was pretty sure would never leave me or our daughter.
And someone who most definitely deserved better than a woman who had more emotional baggage than he knew about.
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