Page 88 of The House Guest
Dorian searched my eyes. “Would you have said yes if I’d asked you to marry me before things changed with us?”
I’d been so hopelessly in love with Dorian that I would’ve said yes in a heartbeat. Yet, I responded with, “The answer to that question is complex.”
“How so?”
“Because while I would’ve said yes to you, I’m not sure that matters. I’m older now, more mature, and don’t think it’s a good idea for someone to agree to marry that fast. So, in retrospect it wouldn’t have been wise to say yes, even if that’s what the person I was back then would’ve done.”
He kept nodding and looked like he wanted to say something.
“What?” I asked.
“I want to give you advice, but I also recognize that I’m biased. I don’t want to steer you in the wrong direction to suit my own needs. Even so, I think you need to hear this.”
I straightened in my seat. “What advice do you want to give me?”
“Making a decision out of fear won’t ever suit you. Doing anything but following your heart will catch up with you eventually.”
“What if my heart isn’t sure of the right thing?”
“Therightthing is irrelevant. The heart always knows what it wants, wrong or right.” His stare burned into mine. “What do you want in your heart of hearts, if hurting others wasn’t a factor?”
Adrenaline rushed through me. Because any answer besides “you” would be a lie. But I didn’t feel right admitting the truth. I felt myself shutting down. “I can’t come here again.”
His brows drew in. “Okay…but why? Because you don’t want to or because you feel like you shouldn’t?”
“I don’t want to lie to Casey when he asks how my day was. I’m not a liar. It’s not in my nature.”
“So why can’t you tell him the truth? We’re not doing anything except talking.”
“It would still hurt him.” My voice shook. “I don’t want to hurt him.”
“Why would he be hurt if I’m not a threat to your relationship?”
My mind didn’t want to go there at all, so my walls just grew taller.
When I stopped answering him, Dorian posed the question a bit differently. “If what you want is to go back to the way things were before I showed up, what does he have to worry about?” He paused. “Then you just explain that an ex-boyfriend came back to town to clear his conscience over something that happened in the past. Any man who’s confident in his relationship shouldn’t have a problem with that.”
Maybe Iwasunderestimating what Casey could handle. Or maybe I didn’t trust myself, didn’t trust that my feelings for Dorianwerea thing of the past. They sure as hell felt very much like a thing of the present.
Rather than address Dorian’s very fair question, I turned the tables on him. “What is your next move here? How long are you planning on staying in Ohio?”
“I’m staying until you tell me to leave,” he said matter-of-factly. “I told you that.”
“Don’t you have a life to get back to?”
“I have a lot of things I could be getting back to.” He shook his head. “But none of them is more important than you.”
Oh my.If I’d thought coming here today was going to resolve my feelings, I was sorely mistaken. All I felt rightnow was sheer turmoil. “I’m sorry. I’m not handling this well,” I said, feeling my eyes water.
“Who said you needed to handle this any certain way? There’s no playbook for this situation. It’s fucked up. I know that.”
My voice cracked. “When you’re not right in front of me, it’s easier to go on with my life. But when you’re right here…everything feels so familiar. There are moments when I feel like my old self. I thought she didn’t exist anymore. But I feel her when I’m with you,” I confessed. “At the same time, I don’t know how that girl fits into my life now.”
“When was the last time you created art—not for kids or for hire, but for you?”
“A long time,” I murmured.
“That makes me sad.”
