Page 93 of The House Guest
Primrose: There are a few more things I need to say before you leave. I just dropped Rosie at my friend’s. Can I come over?
Dorian: Of course.
Primrose: Okay. Heading there now.
I drove to Dorian’s house as fast as I could.
When I arrived, per usual, he opened the door for me before I could even ring the bell.
“This is a surprise,” he said as I entered.
“I know.” I walked past him into the living room.
“What’s going on?”
Turning to face him, I rubbed my palms together. “I realized this afternoon that I couldn’t let you go without saying some things.”
“All right.” He looked a little wary.
“First…” I paused. “I’m sorry.”
“Sorry?”
“You came to Ohio and poured your heart out, and I gave you nothing in return. I’ve been too scared to say what I truly feel. I’ve been paralyzed by the battle inside me—a battle between what I want to say and what I feel is appropriate.”
“It’s okay,” he said softly. “I understand.”
“No, it’s not okay.” I exhaled. “You know what I did when I got home today?”
“What?”
“I painted. I painted for the first time in a long time because just being in your presence breathed new life into me.”
His eyes filled with emotion. “That’s wonderful, Rosebud.”
“The truth is, I feel so much every second we’re in the same room. I don’t know how to process it, but it’s every bit as powerful as it was before everything happened.”
Dorian moved closer. “You once told me that you wished people would be direct, that they’d just say what’s on their mind. So I’m gonna be direct right now, even if I’m making a fool of myself.” His eyes locked with mine. “I want you to leave him. I want you for myself. Yes, looking into your little girl’s eyes gave me pause. Because I realize now that not everything is about me.” He shook his head slowly. “But I can’t help how I feel. I know there are certain things you can’t say out of guilt, even if you’re thinking them. But Icanfucking say them. I don’t have anyone or anything holding me back, no one to answer to. I would give anything to make love to you, Primrose. I can’t tell you how many times over the years I’ve closed my eyes and tried to remember what it was like to sink inside you and lose myself. It never felt like that with anyone else.”
His lip trembled. “And I fucking miss you. I miss us. I miss the life I had with you. It was short, but it was the only time I felt like my true self. Even if we never get to be together again, Rosebud, I want you to know that you’ve left a greater impression on me than anyone else. You taught me how to love. And you were the first woman since my mother who loved me for me and nothing more. I owe you so much for that.”
My heart swelled inside me, impossible to contain. “You leaving me...it never felt real. Now I know why. Thank you for risking your heart to make sure I knew the truth. I can’t imagine how hard this has been for you.”
“The pain is worth every second of getting to see you again. To see what an amazing woman you’ve become, even more amazing with time. Rosie is so lucky to have you as her mother. She has no idea just how much shehit the jackpot. I don’t know your little girl, but I love her because she’s a part of you.”
Before I could respond, the alarm I’d set on my phone went off.
“You have to leave already?”
I nodded somberly. “I have to get back. My friend is watching Rosie, but she has to leave for work. It’s almost Rosie’s bedtime, too.”
“Thank you for giving me one more opportunity. I wasn’t sure I’d ever see you again.”
Despite knowing I had to go, I couldn’t move. I didn’t want to leave him.
Before I could force my legs toward the door, Dorian inched closer. My heartbeat accelerated because I thought he was going to try to kiss me. But instead, he placed his forehead on mine. We breathed together for several seconds. The feel of his breath on my face comforted and aroused me all at once. He was respectful of my boundaries, but I never wanted to leave this spot.
When he pulled back, cold air replaced the warmth of his body. If I didn’t put one foot in front of the other now, I might never go. So I did just that and walked out, more unsure of my life than ever.
