Page 96 of The House Guest
“You’re marrying him. You’re trying to figure out a way to let me down easy. Am I right?”
Rather than dispute it, she remained silent. That was all the confirmation I needed.
“There’s no such thing as making this easy for me, Primrose. I’m never going to want a life without you. But I have to accept whatever you decide is best for you.”
Acceptance was one thing. But it would be a while before the devastation wore off. The feeling of having been punched in the gut made me realize just how much Ihadbeen hanging on to the dream of getting to be with her again. I certainly hadn’t expected her to come to this conclusion so soon.
She finally spoke, her voice shaky. “I want to give my daughter the life I never had. That’s what’s most important right now. And you don’t deserve to be strung along. You’ve been through enough. I didn’t want to waste any more of your time.”
I closed my eyes, reluctant to speak. She’d hear the pain and sheer devastation in my voice.
“I’ll always cherish you, Dorian. I…just need to do what’s best for my family.”
I’d somehow thoughtIwas still her family. But I wasn’t. The trauma from my abandonment had influenced this decision, too. She’d never be able to trust me the way she trusted him, a man who had no history of letting her down. And she’d never be able to give Rosie the life she felt her daughter deserved if she were to choose me.
I understood it. Even if it killed me.
I’d prepared for this moment, yet I didn’t know what to say now that it was finally here. I hadn’t realized how much it would hurt to be rejected by the only woman I’d ever loved. I felt foolish for having fantasized about her showing up at my door, telling me she couldn’t live without me and that despite everything, we could make it work if we loved each other.
Someone else would get to see her walking down the aisle toward him. Someone else would get to love her. Primrose and I were done.
We’re really done.
“You need to do what you need to do, Primrose,” I managed to mutter.
“I feel terrible for doing this to you after everything we’ve been through, but I didn’t want to put it off.”
“I’ll be fine,” I told her. The last thing I wanted was to make her feel guilty for putting her child first. It was hard to argue with that decision. “You’re not doing anythingtome. Don’t look at it that way. You’re just choosing to continue living the life I interrupted when I came to Ohio. Everything that transpired has been my fault, my doing.”
I fell silent, just breathing into the phone for several seconds.I can’t believe this.
“Are you okay?” she whispered.
“I will be.” My voice shook as I wiped a tear from my eye.
“Are you crying?”
I didn’t want to admit it, but clearly it was obvious. I didn’t answer.
She sobbed into the phone. “I’m so sorry, Dorian.”
“Stop apologizing. You did nothing wrong, and I’ll be okay.” My tone was stern as I desperately tried to stifle my tears.
Primrose sniffled. “I hate myself right now. I hate myself for hurting you like this after everything you’ve been through.”
“Sometimes we have to make tough decisions. Boy, do I know about that. I made one when I pretended not to love you anymore. And you’re making one right now, pretending not to love me.”
CHAPTER 27
Primrose
It had been two months since the night I’d called Dorian. The back-and-forth debate I’d endured for a week before making that decision had nearly killed me, and I’d needed to put myself out of my misery. The only way I knew to do that was to force myself to choose.
My decision, though, had brought me very little peace. I’d thought about Dorian every hour of every day since. I’d hoped that setting him free would somehow squelch the longing inside of me, but it had only made it worse. The hurt in his voice when I’d called him still haunted me. So did his words—that I waspretendingnot to love him. That was the truth.
After I told Dorian I was going forward with the wedding, I’d decided to keep everything that had happened to myself and not upset Casey. And I couldn’t bear the thought of going through it all again. Did I love Casey? Yes. But I loved him for different reasons than I loved Dorian. Reasons that weren’t as authentically pure and unconditional.I’d never dreamedIwould be the one to ultimately hurt Dorian after I’d felt so hurt by him for so many years. But my hurtinghimwas ultimately what ended us.
You did it for Rosie,I kept telling myself.
