Page 65 of Taming the Billionaire Cowboy
The sitting room is already empty since Ferris and Miles helped me move out the couches the other day. There are two chairs in the living room, the only pieces I didn’t move, and I thought it would be enough, thought the empty house wouldn’t make me think of him. But it does.
There’s still too much Oliver here, too much of what we were supposed to be. I feel out of place, a stranger in the life I thought I’d have. I want it to be home, but it feels like heartbreak.
I’m more tired than I know, more exhausted than I’ve been in a long time. It’s all hitting me at once, and I finally sit, finally letmyself sink into the chair, finally let myself think of everything I’ve been trying not to.
There’s a book on the other chair, and I stare at it, my eyes going hot again. It’s the one Oliver was reading when he left. He had it with him on the porch the first week he was here.
Why didn’t I notice it before? I should have packed it up, should have sent it to him, should have gotten rid of it before it broke my heart.
He left so fast. I don’t even know if he was really here. It’s only been a few weeks, and already I wonder if he even loved us, or if it was just a game — if he was playing house like he was playing cowboy.
I hold my head in my hands, trying to breathe through the hurt, trying to tell myself it will be okay. It doesn’t work because I know the truth. It’s always the same.
A clean break is best, I remind myself, though it doesn’t feel that way. It doesn’t feel like the best of anything. It feels like I’m fooling myself… and not very well.
The book sits there, a ghost, a reminder, a crack in my already broken resolve. I don’t touch it, won’t let myself.
I try to stand, to do something with myself, but my heart doesn’t know how to carry me. It stops when I get to the bedroom. I’ve avoided it all day, left it until the last, but there’s no running now. It’s the worst, the hardest.
It’s too real, too much him. I should be grateful he’s not here, not in my life. Should be grateful I saw it before it was too late.
But it was already too late. I’m already in it, already too far to turn around.
The bed is big, with more space than I need, more than I’ve ever had to myself. I’ll move it out, too, bring mine from home, make this place small enough to manage, small enough to call my own. I’ll make it work, like I always do. I’ll have to.
For now, I let myself sink onto the mattress, and that’s when I see it. One last reminder of him. A notepad on the bedside, one of the many he kept in his pockets to scribble to-do lists in. I bite my lip, fight back the tears, but they come anyway, hot and furious.
I was stupid to think I could do this. Stupid to think I wouldn’t care.
He’s everywhere on this ranch, and he’s sunk so deeply into my heart that I might never get him out of there. So what’s moving on, really? Instead, maybe I should focus on surviving.
At least that’s something I know how to do.
CHAPTER 28
OLIVER
“…Of course we need to take into consideration our…”
I don’t even hear the rest of what the lawyer is saying. The negotiations for the Louisiana plot have been dragging on for days, and while at first I felt invigorated by them, now I’ve lost my steam. Especially since…
No, I don’t want to think about her. Shouldn’t think about her.
Carly is in the past now, and I did as good by her and Bradley as I could.
So why does it feel like I’ve made a horrible mistake?
I glance up at the large, polished table, surrounded by a team of lawyers and executives who are all waiting for my input. But my mind isn’t here. It hasn’t been since that last phone call with Carly.
With a sigh, I toss my pen down onto the table and rise from my chair, drawing confused looks from those around me.
“Let’s table this for now,” I say, my voice detached. “We’ll pick back up tomorrow morning.”
“But we haven’t finished discussing?—”
“I said tomorrow morning,” I reiterate firmly. “Enjoy your evening.”
Without waiting for a response, I stalk out of the room, leaving behind a cloud of murmurs. Back in my office, I sink into the chair behind my granite desk, my heart pounding.
