Page 37 of The Heartbreakers
“Yup,” I said in the most cheerful tone I could muster. “Why wouldn’t it be?”
“Because you’re lying to me.”
“What? Am not!” I said quickly, but I could feel the color rising in my cheeks. “Why would I lie to you?”
“Well, considering I just got off the phone with Mom, I know you weren’t talking to her,” Cara said, crossing her arms. “So I don’t know, Stella. You tell me.”
Shit. There was a sudden ache in the back of my throat, and with each passing second, it grew harder and harder for me to swallow. What was I going to tell Cara now? There was no way she’d drop the subject. And once she found out what that was, I wouldn’t even be given a chance to consider my options. Cara would want—no, she’d demand that I take the job.
“Cara,” I said, taking in a shaky breath. “Can you please just let it go? I don’t want to talk about this right now.”
“Maybe if you’d just said that from the start, sure. But you lied to me, Stella. And the only logical explanation for why you’d do that is because you don’t want to tell me something,” she said, her nostrils flaring. Then in a much quieter tone she added, “What could possibly be so bad that you’re afraid to talk to me about it?”
In that moment Cara sounded so dejected and lost that it felt like all the energy was suddenly wrenched from my body. I slumped into the armchair by her bed and gave in. “The Heartbreakers’ publicist called me today,” I said, staring down at my hands as I clasped them together in my lap. “He offered me a photography job working for the band.”
At first Cara didn’t say anything, but then she exploded. “Shut up! Are you serious? That’s amazing, Stella. It’s like the perfect job for you and—” She stopped gushing. “Wait. You don’t look excited. Why don’t you look excited?”
I didn’t have a plausible explanation. She was right; I should be over the moon. But when I let myself imagine how amazing it would be to go off with the band, to turn my passion into a potential career, there was a horrible feeling in my stomach, like it had frozen solid.
And that’s when I realized why I didn’t want to tell Cara about the job—not because I needed time to think it through, but because I’d already made my decision. A long, low sigh whistled from my mouth, and my hands went limp. “Because,” I said finally, “I don’t think I’m going to accept.”
Cara blinked. “Are you crazy?” she exclaimed seconds later, leaning away from me as if I’d said something unforgivable. “You love photography.”
“I’d have to join the band on tour, and I can’t leave,” I said, shaking my head. It didn’t make sense, but there was a fluttering in my lungs, the level of my anxiety escalating the more I thought about leaving. “You’re in the middle of your treatment and—”
“Don’t you dare finish that sentence,” Cara said in a deadly voice. Her sudden mood change was startling, and I leaned away as she bared her teeth at me.
“What?” I asked, my voice jumping up an octave. “Why are you mad?”
“You’re making this about me.”
“Of course not, Cara,” I said in an attempt to soothe her. “I’m just prioritizing, that’s all. There’s nothing wrong with that.”
“Prioritizing?” she snapped. “Stella, you’re putting your entire life on hold.”
“I think you’re being a little dramatic.”
“Really?” she said, throwing her hands in the air. “If that’s the case, why’d you defer school?”
I scoffed. “You didn’t actually expect me to leave when you’re sick again, did you?”
“Drew is.”
“That’s different and you know it,” I said, my eyes flicking up so I could glare at her. “He’ll only be an hour and a half away. I’d be in a completely different state where I would never get to see you guys.”
Cara’s head dropped, and she closed her eyes as she took a moment to compose herself. Three long seconds passed before she looked back up at me. “Is that really so bad?” she asked, her voice a half whisper.
My chest hitched. “Don’t—don’t you think so?” How could Cara be okay with me leaving?
“No, I don’t,” Cara said. “News flash, Stella. We’re not always going to be together, and you need to stop acting like it. The thought of you passing up such an amazing opportunity because of me…” She shook her head. “There are no words.”
“You have to understand. If I leave and something happens—”
“Stop!” Cara finally shouted. “You’re not listening to me. Do whatever you want, but if you turn down this job and end up regretting it, that’s on you. I’m done being your excuse.”
“Cara, please don’t be like this,” I said. I wanted to beg, to get down on my knees and will her to understand that I couldn’t do this. Not when just thinking about it made me feel so awful.
“Can you just leave?” she said, looking away from me. “I want to be alone right now.”
