Page 59 of The Heartbreakers
“Didn’t you blog yesterday?” he asked. “How do you possibly have more work to do?”
“I’m not working on the band’s blog,” I told him. “I’m thinking about creating my own photography website.”
I spun my laptop around so he could see what I was working on. After sorting through all my pictures, I’d purchased a domain name and used one of those free website templates to build my own. Most of my portfolio was already uploaded, but whenever I thought about publishing the site I’d decide to fidget with the layout or rewrite my bio instead.
Xander leaned over so he could get a better look. “That’s way cool, Stella!” he said, pushing his glasses into place. “Is it live yet?”
“No, but it’s pretty much finished. I’m just messing around with little details trying to work up the courage to post the damn thing. Can I get your opinion on something? I don’t know if this font really fits the theme of the blog.”
“Nope,” he said. His response was so unexpected that I nearly dropped my laptop. He must have noticed my shocked look because he added, “What I mean is that you don’t need my opinion. It sounds like you’re just coming up with excuses to avoid the hard part. Stop second-guessing yourself.”
Xander was right—the website had been ready since yesterday, but there was still that fear in the back of my mind that it wouldn’t be good enough, thatIwasn’t good enough, that nobody would like it. I was second-guessing myself, just like I had my first week on the job, and I needed to stop.
So I did.
• • •
“How aboutNapoleonDynamite?”
“How about not,” I said. Oliver and I were lazing on the couch in the boys’ hotel room trying to decide on something to watch. The band had a rare day off, so while JJ, Xander, and Alec went sightseeing, the two of us decided to enjoy a quiet afternoon in.
“You’re such a crab today,” he said, turning the TV off and tossing the remote aside.
“Am not. I just don’t have any interest in watching a stupid guy movie,” I said, but I knew he was right.
Three weeks had passed since I joined the Heartbreakers on tour, which meant I’d made it twenty-one days on my own. It also meant that today Cara had a scheduled break in her chemo treatment. Without the boys’ busy schedule to distract me, I couldn’t stop thinking about how I wasn’t there with her, and I regretted not going with JJ, Xander, and Alec to see the city. At least that would have kept my mind off my sister.
“Or any movie,” he grumbled. “Here, let me see your phone.” Oliver flung his arm onto the cushion between us, hand open and reaching like he expected it without question.
“Demanding much?” I asked but surrendered it anyway. “Where’s yours?”
Since the night we’d cooked together, things had changed between us. It was like we formed some kind of silent bond of understanding. That or maybe the bond that was broken when I suggested we just be friends had been mended. There were no more uncomfortable silences or stiff pleasantries, and Oliver was back to acting like he had when we first met—goofy and playful—minus the kissing, of course.
“In my pocket,” he said, scrolling.
“Why do you need mine?”
Oliver punched the talk button. “Because I’m calling your sister.”
I scrambled up in my seat. “What? Oliver, no!” I tried to take my phone back, but he switched it to his other hand, holding it out of reach.
“Shhh!” he said, pressing a finger to his lips. “I’m putting us on speaker.”
After our conversation about Cara’s cancer, I was much more open to talking about her in general, which made missing home less difficult. But I didn’t know if I could handle having a conversation with Cara today. It would only make me more depressed than I already felt.
“Stella, hey!” she said when she picked up. “I’m so glad you called.”
“Is this Cara?” Oliver responded, and my sister went quiet. “Um, hello?”
“Who is this?” she asked. Her voice was small, like she already knew the answer to her question but wouldn’t allow herself to believe it was true.
“This is Oliver,” he said very matter-of-factly. He didn’t need to give his last name for Cara to know who he was, and she sucked in a jagged breath.
“Holy freaking bananas.” She let out an audible gasp, which made me want to see the wide-eyed awe that I knew was on her face. “Like, for real? You’re not messing with me? Because that would not be funny.”
“No, it wouldn’t,” Oliver said. “Besides, Stella would kill anyone who tried to pull something like that.”
“You’re right,” Cara agreed, her tone relaxing much sooner than I would imagine. “She totally would.”
