Page 108 of My Life with the Walter Boys
“Why does it even matter, Cole?” I asked, looking back up at him sharply.
He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment in concentration. “Because,” he said, opening them again. They were a dazzling blue. “Loving you just crept up on me, and before I knew it, I was head over heels for you.”
I stopped dancing. “Love?” I repeated in shock.
“Tell me you feel the same way, or that you feelsomething.” Here, his voice cracked, but he kept going. “I just—I need to know that I’m not alone.”
“God, Cole, don’t put me in this situation. I can’t!”
“The hell you can’t!” he exclaimed, ripping his arms away from me. “I’ve seen the way you look at me when you think I won’t notice. But the thing is, I’m always paying attention to you, Jackie. It’s like—you’re gravity and I’m just a little blip on your radar.”
“A blip on my radar?” I asked. The idea was ridiculous. “Cole, you’re impossible to miss.”
“So does that mean—”
“No,” I said, stepping away from him. “I’m not saying it. I’m done with this. With us.”
“Every time I try to work things out between us, you run away,” Cole said, grabbing my wrist and spinning me back around. “Why do you keep avoiding me?”
“Because!” I finally shouted. “I like you, even though it doesn’t make sense, and I hate that I can’t control my feelings.” I wouldn’t let myself love Cole the way he said he loved me. If I did, our love might be ruined by the guilt I felt over my family.
Cole dropped his hand in shock, but I was already turning on my heels. I needed to get away before he recovered from my confession. But when my gaze landed on the back porch, I realized that someone was watching us. Alex was standing on the steps, an unreadable expression on his face.
“Are you happy now?” I asked Cole and shot him one last glare before pushing through the crowds.
***
“Jackie, what are you doing up here?”
I slowly pulled my head away from my knees and brushed away a tear. Danny’s head popped up through the trapdoor in the tree house.
“Hiding from the world,” I grumbled. Danny smiled sadly and pulled himself up into my hiding place. “How’d you find me?”
“No offense, Jackie, but I wouldn’t call it hiding. I could hear you crying from a mile away,” he told me.
After my conversation with Cole, the one where I confessed my feelings for him and Alex heard, I had needed to get away from everyone. I wanted to go somewhere where nobody would look, and only Alex used the tree house anymore. He was the last person who would come looking for me.
“You know, my brother is looking for you,” Danny said, sitting down next to me.
“I don’t want to talk to Cole,” I said glumly.
Danny was silent for a moment, and he wrapped an arm around my shoulder. “Jackie,” he whispered quietly, “you shouldn’t feel bad.”
“No,” I said, wiping the snot away from my nose. “I shouldn’t have danced with Cole.”
“You can’t control how you feel about him,” he said, as if it was no great secret that I liked Cole.
I was quiet for a while as I thought about my answer. “But what does that say about me? My whole family just died and all I can think about is him.” Admitting the truth out loud to Danny made me feel horrible all over again, and I started to sob.
“Jackie,” Danny said soothingly as he pulled me into a hug. “It’s okay. Don’t cry.”
“No, it’s not okay,” I bawled as more and more tears started to pour out of my eyes. “I’m a horrible person. My mom—I don’t know how she’ll ever be proud of me.”
“I’m not sure what your mom has to do with this,” Danny said, “but how could she not be happy for you? With Cole, you found someone who helped take away the pain of losing her.”
I had no idea how to respond to Danny, so I gave another excuse. “Really? Even after everything he’s done to me?”
“I know it doesn’t seem like it, but my brother is a good person. We might be completely different, but we’re still twins and Cole tells me everything. He was crushed when Alex stopped talking to him after the whole Mary thing. And he was telling the truth—Cole had no clue that she dumped Alex for him.”
