Page 40 of My Life with the Walter Boys
“Let’s say, for example, that it was an accident,” he said, and by “it” I presumed he meant death. “Then there’s no reason to apologize since it technically isn’t your fault, right? Saying you feel bad makes more sense, but nobody really wants to hear that, do they? Besides, I’m sure not everyone actually feels bad. What if you don’t really know the person who died, but you just feel like you have to say something? That’s not really genuine.”
Alex was in full-on ramble mode.
“Alex,” I said, trying to get his attention.
“Maybe people should just give hugs. Physical contact says a lot without actually saying anything, but I guess people give hugs at funerals anyway. And I’d feel awkward giving you a hug since we barely know each other.”
“Alex!” I shouted this time and clapped my hands together for emphasis.
“Huh?” he said, shaking his head. When he noticed me staring at him, he blushed. “Sorry, I tend to talk when I’m nervous.”
“I can see that,” I said, a small grin curling on my lips. It was honestly the worst condolence someone had ever given me, and yet somehow it worked. “Thanks.”
When he saw that I wasn’t upset, he smiled back. “No problem.”
I turned serious again. “You want to know one of the worst things?” I asked, but I didn’t wait for him to respond. “When people treat me differently, like I’m going to break or something. For a second there, I was afraid you were going to get all weird on me.”
“I’m sorry, Jackie,” he said then, since there was nothing more he could say.
“Yeah,” I mumbled, more to myself than to him. “Me too.”
We were quiet for a while, both lost in thought, until I finally worked up the courage to speak again. “So what areyoudoing up here?”
This question seemed to make Alex more uncomfortable then talking about my family, and I felt him tense up again, his hands balling into fists at his side. When I looked at him, I realized that something was wrong. There were dark purple marks under Alex’s eyes, like he hadn’t slept all weekend.
“Hey,” I asked, “what’s wrong?”
His gaze flickered to the left, and when I followed him with my eyes, I spotted something discarded on the floor—a piece of paper or something. Alex didn’t move, so I slowly reached for it, watching him the whole time to make sure it was okay, but he didn’t indicate that I should stop. When I picked it up, I realized that it was a folded-up photograph, and I carefully smoothed out the crease. I recognized the people in it immediately. There was Alex, grinning at the camera, his arm wrapped around a girl with blond ringlets—the girl from our anatomy class.
“Her name’s Mary Black,” Alex said without waiting for me to ask. “She’s my ex-girlfriend. We broke up three weeks ago.”
“I take it you miss her?” I knew it was a lame thing to say. Of course he missed her, but I didn’t know how to properly comfort him. It explained the longing look he gave Mary on my first day of class. Alex nodded his head.
“Do you think you guys will get back together?” I asked, trying to be positive.
“I’ve had a crush on her since elementary school,” Alex said instead. “The first time I saw her was in third grade, and I remember holding my breath as she walked by me on the playground. She was wearing this little pink jumper and her hair was hanging down her back in two braids. She couldn’t’ve cared less that all the boys stopped playing kickball just to watch her skip rope with her friends.” The words were spilling out of Alex’s mouth now, so I let him go on without interrupting.
“I’ll be the first to admit, after that day, I think I was in love, but I never did anything about it. Mary was the type of girl that seemed so unobtainable, and I knew I didn’t stand a chance. I dated a few girls in junior high, nothing serious, and then at the beginning of this year, she sat next to me in English. On the first day of class, she just popped down next to me and started talking to me like we were good friends, like I hadn’t been crushing on her since forever. After a few weeks, I worked up the courage to ask her to Homecoming, and then we started dating.”
“So what happened?”
“She dumped me out of the blue for a different guy.”
“Ouch. Did you at least find out who it was so you could get a good punch in?” I was only trying to lighten the mood, but I saw anger flash in his eyes.
“I would have, but she wouldn’t tell me,” Alex said. “So then, imagine my surprise when I come home and see her sitting on the couch watching a movie with Cole.”
I gasped. “She broke up with you to date your brother?”
Alex laughed, but it wasn’t a nice one. “Cole doesn’t date,” he said, repeating the same fact that I had already heard multiple times. “For some reason she thought she could change him, but I know Cole better than that. She called me Friday night and told me she’s sorry and wants to get back together.”
“What did you say?”
“That I wouldn’t be her consolation prize,” he spat.
“Alex, I don’t know what to say,” I said uncomfortably. Obviously something was going on between Alex and Cole, and I didn’t want to get in the middle of it. “Why are you even telling me all this?”
A long time passed before Alex said anything, and at first I thought he wasn’t going to give me an answer. “Look, I know about your family, and now I’ve told you my secret, so we’re even. I know your baggage. You know mine. We can just be normal.” He paused there, as if he needed a moment to collect himself. “I should get going,” he said, picking himself up and moving toward the trapdoor. “I’ll see you later, okay?”
