Page 61 of My Life with the Walter Boys
“Yeah,” I said. “I know what we’re talking about, and I didn’t do that.”
“Oh,” she said after a long pause. “Then whatareyou talking about?”
“When I said ‘slept,’ I meant we fell asleep in the same vicinity.”
“Well, that is totally less newsworthy. Mr. Elvis sleeps with me when he can’t get comfy on his doggy bed, and then he makes these little farts that stink up the whole room, but you don’t hear me blabbing on about it.”
“I’m not the one blabbering,” I said. “And I don’t know, it just—it feels kind of big to me. I don’t know what to do about him, Sammy.”
“It’s not what you doabouthim. It’s what you dowithhim. Grab him by those big, manly arms that I’m assuming he has, and show him what New York has to offer.”
“Okay, can you please be serious for a moment? I’m really confused here,” I told her. “I try to ignore him, but then he does something cute like, I don’t know, taking me on a tour of the ranch to cheer me up, and I just—argh!” I grabbed my pillow and flung it across the room.
Sammy sighed. “All right, I’m sorry. I got a little excited to finally hear from you.”
“A little excited?”
“Do you want to talk about your Cole issues or not?”
“That’s the thing. I don’t want to have Cole issues. I just want to get through these next few years and come home.”
“So for the next two years of high school, you’re never going to have a boyfriend?”
“I don’t know.”
“Jackie, just because you’re leaving eventually doesn’t mean you can’t get to know people.”
“I’m not afraid of forming relationships, Sammy—it’s just him.”
“Why?”
“Because he’s a complete chauvinist. When we go to school, it’s like he has a different girl to make out with every period.” In reality that was just an excuse. The real reason why I was frightened by whatever was going on between Cole and me was too hard to admit.
“Okay,” she said, thinking out loud, “so he’s a bit of a man-whore. But, honey, trust me when I say that can be fixed. You should focus on the positive things. It sounds like he can be sweet when he wants to be.”
“It’s not just that. It’s…” I trailed off, still struggling to say what I was thinking.
“It’s what?”
“How can I even have these feelings?” I asked, squeezing my eyes shut. “That shouldn’t even be okay since—”
“Since what?” she snapped. “Since your family’s accident? Are you never allowed to love someone again because of that?” The anger in her voice caught me off guard.
“No, I didn’t mean it like that, but…” I paused and took a breath. “Don’t you think it’s too soon?”
“God, Jackie, no!” Sammy gasped, horrified. “It’s not like there are rules detailing the right way to mourn. Being in a relationship might be a good thing.”
“How?”
“It could help you heal,” she said, “And, I don’t know…move on?”
I nodded my head and told Sammy, “Yeah, okay,” even if I didn’t mean it. Why was she acting like I needed to be fixed? I was here in Colorado, living my life. I didn’t need a relationship to heal or whatever, and I most definitely didn’t need Cole.
***
On Monday, we all piled out of the truck when we got to school. Danny and I had to wait for everyone to grab their backpacks because ours were at the bottom of the pile.
“So, how was being grounded?” Danny asked.
