Page 60 of My Return to the Walter Boys
His gaze snapped to me, and he pushed himself into an upright position. “Wait, you think—Jackie, no! You’ve got it all wrong. I wasn’t embarrassed by you or your friends. I knew exactly what I was getting myself into when I heard ‘Harry Potter trivia.’”
“Then can you help me understand?” I asked. “Because it sure feels like you were.”
Cole was quiet for a long time. Somewhere near the edge of the clearing, a small animal rustled in the undergrowth.
Finally, he said, “I felt like a loser, okay?”
I stared at him, sure I’d heard wrong. How could Cole Walter, the most popular guy at school evenafterhe graduated, feel like a loser? Did he really not see how everyone always gravitated toward him? “But…why?”
“Because all my friends are off at school while I’m stuck here, doing nothing and going nowhere,” he admitted, each and every word coated with bitter dissatisfaction.
His statement did not compute. It wasn’t as if Cole’s grades were so dismal he didn’t get accepted anywhere. By this time next year, he’d be gone too. “Postponing your education so you can save up for tuition isn’t nothing,” I told him. “It’s called being financially responsible. School will still be there a year from now.”
“It’s not just about school, though. I’ve got zero—I mean, I don’t…Ugh.” Cole scraped his hair away from his face, only for his bangs to flop back into his eyes a second later. “Look, there’s only two things I’m good at—cars and football. The latter is obviously off the table, so where does that leave me? Working at Tony’s forever?”
“You’ll figure things out,” I said in what I hoped was an optimistic tone. Unsure how else to assuage him, I took his hand in mine and laced our fingers together. “Isn’t that part of the whole college experience?”
“Easy for you to say,” he muttered. “You already have your life planned out.”
He wasn’t wrong, but my stomach still churned. I hesitated, not certain if I was ready to give voice to something that had been plaguing me since this summer. “Can I tell you a secret?” I didn’t wait forhim to answer. “I hated interning at my father’s company. Investing isboring.”
“So…no Princeton? You could always apply to Boulder.” The thought of us attending school together must have cheered him up, because a smile finally returned to his face.
“Don’t be absurd,” I said, giving him a playful shove. “It’s Princeton or bust, but…” I trailed off, trying to organize my conflicting thoughts. “Maybe I don’t want to follow in my father’s footsteps after that?”
He cocked an eyebrow. “Was that a question?”
“Yes, and that’s the point I’ve been trying to make. It’s okay if you don’t know what you’ll do with the rest of your life, Cole. I’m unsure too. It’s normal, and it definitely doesn’t make you a loser.”
A frown touched his face. “You might be unsure, but you still have options. I feel like I’ve got nothing. Well, that’s not true. I have you,” he told me. “You’re the best thing I have going for me right now.”
“I don’t believe that,” I said as some undefined, discomforting emotion squirmed in my gut. “What about the engine rebuild you did for Carter? Didn’t he say he’d hire you again in the future? That’s not nothing.”
Cole gave a hum in response, and then we fell quiet, both of us talked out. The temperature dropped quickly, and when I started shivering, we decided to call it a night. Hiking out of the forest was more difficult than on the way in, and by the time we reached the truck, my muscles were aching. All I wanted to do was crank the heat and curl up on the bench seat with my head in Cole’s lap.
I must have dozed off during the drive, because I woke sometime later to a gentle swaying motion and a warm, firm body pressed against mine. The first thing I saw when I opened my eyes was Cole, who was carrying me into Parker’s and my room. I snuggled deeper into his arms as he approached my bed, not wanting to give up his warmth.
“What’s going on?” I asked in a raspy, only half-awake voice that made him smile.
“You fell asleep on the way home.” He laid me down in bed, then tugged off my shoes. “Go back to sleep, Jackie. I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Don’t go,” I replied, clutching his shirt even as my eyes fluttered shut. “You’re comfy.”
When Cole didn’t reply, I thought he’d already left, but a moment later, the mattress dipped, and he crawled in next to me.
Twelve
I was drifting in and out of consciousness when a faint noise drew me from the hazy fragments of a dream.
Without opening my eyes, I knew I forgot to close the curtains last night; the room was bright, flooded with morning sunshine that warmed my face. Too comfortable to get up, I turned away from the light and nestled deeper into my pillow. The usual downy cushion was firmer than usual, but it wasn’t until I noticed the slight movement—a gentle up, down, up, down—that my eyes snapped open. It took my sleep-addled brain a moment to register that Cole and I were tangled together. Not only was I using his chest as a pillow, but his arm was thrown over my side, and our legs were slotted between each other’s.
The noise that woke me, a gentle rapping, repeated. “Parker, are you awake?”
Adrenaline coursed through me. That was Katherine knocking onthe door! The realization washed away the final remnants of lethargy, and I jolted into a sitting position. Cole was in mybed, his mother was moments away from discovering us, and there was nothing I could do.
“Honey, you need to get up,” she continued, the door creaking as she pushed it open. “Rugby practice starts in—” Katherine cut herself off when our eyes met.
Three agonizingly long seconds passed as she assessed the situation.
