Page 112 of At First Smile
We only use our fists to stop, not to start.Dad’s deep bass voice whispers in my heart. How often had he said that? The memory of him kneeling in front of Gillian, a trickle of blood dripping from his nose after getting in a fight on the playground, and me wiping away my tears after being knocked down, flashes in my vision. Gillian had darted from the basketball court towards the bottom of the slide where I lay sprawled after Tommy O’Hare pushed me from the ladder, so he could go.
“You’re like him too,” I whisper.
I hear him swallow, but he doesn’t acknowledge my words and continues, “Your protectiveness comes out when you play. Every game you play, it’s the same.”
“Every game?”
“I have never missed a single one of your games.” He murmurs as if it’s a secret.
“Why didn’t you say?”
“I don’t know.” He shrugs. “But I’m not going to say anymore. I want to know you and I want you to know me.”
“Okay,” I rasp, raising my hand and taking his.
He squeezes our intertwined palms. “Okay.”
We stand there for what feels like minutes. Each thump of his heartbeat against my back ticks away the time.
“You said you wouldn’t let go until I listened… I listened.”
“And they say that I’m the prick,” he grumbles, humor colors his tone.
“Well, I’m just trying to be like my big brother,” I say, stepping away from him. I don’t make it too far.
He spins me and pulls me into a tight hug. “I love you, even if you are a smug prick sometimes.”
“Again, just following your lead.” I squeeze him back. “I love you too, Gillian.”
“Ok, now thatthatis over?—”
A raucous laugh falls out of me.
“—why have the last few weeks been rough?” He lets me go.
God, I’d almost forgotten about his original question.I rub the back of my head. “Pen’s ex stalked her.”
“Bastard!” he mutters.
“Agreed.”
“Since you’re not in jail, I take it he’s still alive.”
Clenching my teeth, I dig my fingernails into the laminate surface.
“Unless you’ve fled here to escape the authorities. I hate to break it to you, bro, but Canada will extradite.” Somehow my brother’s tone teeters between his normal gruffness and a teasing lightness.
“I didn’t touch him.”
He places a palm on my shoulder. “You’re stronger than me.”
“I wanted to. It took everything in me to not end him. He stalked her like she was a trophy to possess rather than a queen to earn the privilege to be in the presence of.”
“A queen you’ll charge into battle for.” He smirks.
“Absolutely.” I lean against the counter. “She’s so fucking brave. Everything he put her through, and she faced him… And she still opens her heart to me. Christ, even before they broke up, he…” A snarl roars in my chest. “…He tried to snuff out her light.”
“He failed miserably.”
