Page 46 of The Scandalous Love of a Duke
‘Now that you are done with me.’ She felt betrayed.
‘Now that you are done with me,’ he mimicked, reaching for his cravat as she stood.
She really was done with him. She was never doing this again. It obviously meant nothing to him.It means everything to me.
She dressed silently, as he did, turning her back to ask him to re-secure her lacing.
Once he had done so, he leaned his buttocks back against the table and poured himself a glass of wine as she put on her dress.
He sighed as she picked up her spencer.
‘Are you tired?’ He looked worn out.
His gaze lifted and met hers. He had been staring at his glass but now his gaze shuttered, locking her out of his thoughts. ‘I had a late night.’
She lifted her chin at his dismissive tone. ‘I am not going to do anything bad to you, John, you do not have to push me away.’
‘Do I not, Kate?’
He was in such a strange mood, she could not understand him. ‘No, and you need not answer me with questions whenever I get close to the truth.’
‘Is that what I am doing?’ He set down the glass and walked forward then began securing her buttons.
She pushed his hands away and did them herself. She wanted to help him, but he was not letting her get close enough to help.
‘I cannot easily trust, Katherine, you do not understand, it is the nature?—’
‘You do not trust me? Yet you asked me here to do this and trust you.’
‘A duke cannot trust anyone, even family.’ He sounded impatient now, as if she were too naïve to understand.
Perhaps she was. She had been foolish enough to agree to this. But she was not unintelligent. She was not the imbecile he implied. ‘You mean you choose not to trust anyone.’
‘I do not trust people for a reason. People associate with me for a purpose.’
‘And what purpose do I have, John? Or your family?’
He did not reply, merely looking at her with his unapproachabledo-not-come-too-close-to-meexpression.
She picked up her bonnet, the bonnet he had bought, and looked away, putting it on and tying the ribbons beneath her chin. She loved the bonnet, she had loved the gesture, it was a frivolous thing which she would never have been allowed to have, and never had the money to purchase. But had it only been a trade to secure her trust when he would not give his.
He spoke again then, his voice a little softer as though he had been questioning himself. ‘I am different from the others in my family. I am different from everyone. My title sets me apart, yes, but in my family it is not just that. I am the eldest and the only one not of my stepfather and I am so much older than the others I cannot be a part of their life.’ He sounded as though he wished he were.
She understood that – she understood that more than anyone.
He sipped his wine, not looking at her. Perhaps he realised sometimes his vulnerability showed in his eyes and avoiding eye contact was because he did not even feel able to trust her with the knowledge of his emotions.
‘I am different too, John.’ Her tone was indignant again. ‘I was born out of wedlock. My natural mother took her own life. I do not even know who my father is, and the entire village are waiting for me to fall into sin as my mother did. I have to fight against these things?—’
‘And I am spoilt. So you have said.’
His belligerence angered her. ‘Yes! You are! Especially as you think you must treat the world with mistrust or indifference.’
He put the glass down.
‘I could wallow in misery, but I get on with my life, John. I am thankful I have a home and my father and Phillip. I choose to seek the happiness in my life. It seems you have chosen to wallow in the things that are not so good in your life. Is that what you did during your years abroad? You do not have my pity, John.’
‘I do not want it!’ His face screwed up in disgust.
