Page 47 of The Scandalous Love of a Duke
‘Good.’ She reached past him, picked up the glass and took a sip to clear her dry throat, then set it back and turned to leave.
He caught her wrist and turned her back. ‘You would understand if you lived my life. My grandfather spent a dozen years teaching me it would be like this. Like it or not, my position sets me apart from people.’
She did understand. She knew what it was to be isolated and lonely. But that was not what he was pointing out to her now. He was saying everyone was below him. ‘Including me?’
‘I did not say that you?—’
‘You said earlier, I am a risk you are taking, you think yourself above me.’
‘You are a novelty and one I am grateful for.’
To me it is just love.
For the first time she understood how risky this was for her.
She was going to be hurt. He was not.
His hand came up and braced her nape and then he kissed her, gently at first and then more forcefully as though making a point that the only thing between them was this, kisses and physical attraction.
It was not what she had wished for with him, she had wished for a Cinderella story, even though it had been an empty hope. When she had longed for him, for all the years he had been abroad and more, she had longed for love, not for this emotionally detached purely physical bond between them. It was not enough.
‘I cannot meet you tomorrow, I will be busy,’ he said. ‘But on Sunday I will drive you home from church.’ This was not a request, it was a statement that assumed her acceptance.
Katherine’s brow furrowed. ‘Reverend Barker drives me home, John.’
‘The reverend can go to hell,’ he snapped. ‘I will drive you.’
‘John you cannot…’
His fingers tightened at the back of her neck. ‘It is non-negotiable, Katherine. I will drive you home.’
‘And risk my reputation. People will wonder why.’ She shook her head, breaking free from the hand that held her. Had she not just mentioned all the people who wished to see her fall into sin? She had fallen but they need not know.
‘Our connection is well known, people will not question it, and I will take a groom. But you are riding with me, not with him.’
‘I am not your servant to be ordered.’
His intense gaze held hers, and then for an instant she saw his true feelings. ‘Can I help it if I am jealous of the man?’ he admitted them.
Her stomach somersaulted with a sudden desperate longing for love not lust. ‘You have nothing to be jealous of.’ Her fingers touched his cheek and a deep pain braced her heart. He did need her, no matter how hard he sought to hide it.
‘Do I not? He can give you what I cannot. He can offer you a future.’
It was the first time he had admitted there was no future for them. Though, she had known it, it hurt to hear it said.
‘Has he offered you marriage? Are you tempted by him?’
She had said he was proud and spoilt, lonely, childish because he sulked, and weak because he chose to wallow in self-pity. Such a commendable assessment. But yet again it only proved she was not here to curry his favour. She was here because for some strange reason, despite thinking so many ill things of him, she cared for him.
No, he did not trust her, not yet, but she was making him question his lack of trust, she was making him want her to be the one person he could trust.
‘I am not having that conversation with you, John.’
‘Would you accept him, if he asked?’ he persisted.
‘I do not even think he would ask.’
He was in an acerbic mood today, but he could not help himself. It was due to the dream he had last night and the earlier situation with Wareham, and now she had set him off balance with her harsh judgements.
