Page 76 of The Scandalous Love of a Duke
The quill’s tip touched the paper and words flowed from his thoughts onto the page.
Katherine,
I cannot say too much in writing. I know you must be cursing my name, but I wanted you to know how I feel. That I feel. I have not stopped thinking of you. I cannot forget you. I am sorry things must be as they are. If it could be any other way, I would make it so.
You mean much to me, I will not forget you. I treasure the memories of us.
Do not hate me, Katherine. Love me still. Please. If I know that you do I will always be able to feel you with me.
Yours completely, forever.
J
He applied the blotter to dry the ink, then folded the letter and used a blank seal, before addressing it. He would post it in the common mail to further hide its origin.
23
Accepting the letter from the tray which Mr Castle held forth, Katherine looked at the writing and frowned. Castle disappeared as she broke the seal.
Her father was seated at the head of the breakfast table opening his own letters. Her mother and Jenny were busy discussing some call they were going to make.
Katherine’s gaze fell to her half-eaten eggs and her stomach turned. She gritted her teeth as she rose, whispering, ‘Excuse me,’ before leaving the room.
She raced upstairs in search of the chamber pot in her room.
She threw up thrice before she dared sit up and as she did so she felt overwhelming despair.
Oh, what had she done?
She wiped her mouth on a linen cloth and knelt back on her heels.
What was she to do? She was such a fool and fate was cruel. It had only been once. One small risk.
For the first two weeks she had tried to convince herself it was not true, but this was the end of the fourth week and she had still not bled, and now the sickness. She could no longer pretend. She was carrying John’s child. A child that would be a bastard, like her.
What would happen to them both?
If she told John, he would support them. He had already offered without even knowing of the child. But she had her pride and she wanted her child to have a father and bear his name.
She remembered the letter which now lay on the floor. She picked it up and saw the signature,J. The single page of writing contained the crux of the Duke of Pembroke, written in a bold, ostentatious, graceful hand.
She read the words half a dozen times then let the letter fall to the floor as tears ran down her cheeks. So he was sorry and he cared. What did it matter? ‘If things could be any other way…’ That was just it though – there was no other way – he would not offer her marriage. He had a duty to marry well and he was miles above her in status.
But she was still hurt by his cold denial. Setting reason aside – if he loved her, surely nothing would stand in the way. He simply did not feel enough for her.
‘Do not hate me, Katherine. Love me.’ It was a selfish request. She was to continue in pain so he might live with unblemished memories.
And what of our child?If she told him, he might take the baby from her.
For one night he had loved her in the only way he knew how. She had treasured the memory, as he had said he would, but that was an end to it. She did not regret it but she would not go to him. Let him do what he wished. She would give her love to her child now, not him.
24
When Wareham played his next card, he surprised John.
In an attempt to distract his thoughts from Katherine, he had spurned ducal pomp and chosen to walk home from White’s after luncheon and sent his carriage and footmen on. But when he turned into Regent Street, John spotted Wareham immediately. He walked towards John, approaching him among a crush of people.
Wareham closed the distance, seemingly intent on waylaying John.
