Page 84 of The Scandalous Love of a Duke
Then the notes of a waltz began, and John found himself moving towards his mother without thought. When he reached her he held out his hand.
She looked surprised but accepted, holding his white-gloved fingers.
He smiled as he led her to the floor, trying to relax and let down his guard a little.
She smiled too as they formed the frame of the waltz. ‘Thank you,’ she said. ‘I cannot believe you are both so grown up.’
John spotted his stepfather watching. He looked pleased.
‘The years have passed so quickly.’ She met his gaze.
‘Yes.’
Mary was dancing with Lord Griffin, a young man with immense charm, whom John had seen courting the attentions of a harlot last week.
John was going to have to give Mary, and Edward, a list of the men she should avoid.
John thought of Katherine, sweet innocent Katherine. The tender bud of an English rose, that he had plucked. If a man treated Mary as he had treated Katherine, he would kill them.
Guilt was becoming a common feeling since he had received Katherine’s terse note telling him to leave her alone.
‘I know you are angry, John…’ his mother said. She must have misunderstood the surge of emotion in him. ‘Because you did not have the life the young ones have, but I love you equally.’
John’s gaze turned back to her. ‘I do not begrudge them your love, Mama.’
Her gaze held his but the conversation ended. She probably did not believe him, and she certainly did not understand the confused emotions tormenting him. He had never understood them himself.
Last night, the feeling of loss he suffered over Katherine had somehow got tangled up in it all and his dream had come again but this time it was not his mother left behind running after the carriage, it was Katherine. Tears had shone in her eyes as she had cried out in a heartbroken tone.
He had been shaking when he woke. He wished to have Katherine in his life permanently, and the only option now was marriage.
The music drew to a close with a flourish, and when John stopped dancing his mother’s hand braced his cheek. ‘I wish I knew how to reach you, John, you hold yourself so distant, and sometimes I see so much pain in your eyes.’
His stare hardened in answer. He did not wish her seeing into him. ‘I am trying my best, Mama. I cannot be what I am not.’
‘I only say it because I care, it is not a reprimand.’
‘I know.’
He accompanied her as she walked back to Edward. His gaze caught on Finch, who moved about the edge of the floor in the same direction.
‘Your Grace, may I speak with you?’ Finch said. John nodded and excused himself from his parents.
As he followed Finch from the room John guessed it was not about the entertainment.
In the hall, Finch stopped and turned. ‘Forgive me, Your Grace, Mr Harvey has called. He believed you would wish to see him.’
‘Where is he?’ John’s heart raced. Did Harvey finally have something more on Wareham?
‘In the library, Your Grace.’
‘Thank you.’
A footman opened the library door and John passed through it. It closed behind him.
Harvey was standing at the hearth, warming one outstretched hand. He turned. His other hand held a glass of brandy. He had obviously been waiting a little while.
‘Your Grace, I apologise, I did not realise you were entertaining. Had I known I would not have come, but I knew Your Grace would wish to see this…’
