Page 100 of The Secret Love of a Gentleman
‘Hello, Caro,’ he said, bringing a smile to her lips.
‘Hello, Rob.’
It was the strangest thing to say. They had been together for over two hours, they had travelled here together, and yet she understood why he said it. He said it because he was saying hello to the person only he knew, the person she became with him.
He took her hand, and rested his other hand at her back, as her other settled on his shoulder.
‘How are you? Are you holding up? Did you receive my letter?’ he asked as they began to turn.
She answered all three questions with a nod, then her teeth caught her lower lip as it began to tremble and tears threatened, gathering as pain in her throat and pressure in her eyes.
He turned her, guiding her with steady, strong hands.
‘Have you an answer for me?’ he asked. ‘Because your silence and expression are worrying me.’
‘I am sorry.’ She forced the words from her lips, but the explanation would not come.
‘For what?’
She swallowed and took a deep breath. She had to tell him this and say it in a way that convinced him it was the right choice. ‘I cannot marry you now. Not yet.’
‘Why?’ His forehead pinched into a frown as his eyes searched hers.
‘It is not the right time.’
‘Then we will wait. We need not announce our engagement now. It is just so hard to pretend I do not love you. I want everyone to know. I want to stand beside you and defend you.’
‘No, Rob. I mean, I cannot marry you like this. Not now.’
‘Pardon. I do not understand.’ His frown tightened, formingdeeper creases in his brow as he turned her three or four times, faster than the music called for, the muscles in his jaw taut, forming an indent in his cheeks. His movement progressed them to the edge of the floor, close to the door into the hall. Then he stopped dancing, released her body but held on to her hand and led her through the crowd, walking with long strides and such determination people stepped out of his way – their gazes followed as Rob took her into the hall.
She breathed heavily, wanting to complain but not daring to with so many people able to hear.
In the hall, where three footmen stood, he released her hand, but instead held her by the elbow, steering her away from the watching eyes. Rob led Caro towards the first door he saw, ignoring the servants as firmly as they ignored them. It was a dining room. He shut the door. At least the only people who had seen them enter were the footmen. There were no candles, but a fire burned in the hearth and the glow from it lit the room.
‘Cannot…?’ Rob stated when he let her go.
‘Rob, what have you done? People saw us leave the room together.’
‘I will spread the word that you felt sick.’
‘Thank you for intending on laying the blame on me…’ she snapped.
‘Quite frankly, my dear, I do not give a damn at this current moment. Why can you not marry me?’
She clasped her hands together, holding back her emotions, as she fought for the courage to say the words. She did not want to be a coward in this, the least she could do for him was to speak to him openly and treat him fairly. ‘What we did was wrong, and I am sure you realise it. We should not have lain together. However, what will make it right is if we do not rush into any commitment.’
‘Why?’ There was anger in his voice. ‘Do you not love me? Is that what you are saying?’
‘No. Because you are young, you cannot be sure this is what you want. You have barely begun your life, Rob, you need to experience more to be sure you want to marry me. What if we married then you discovered it was not love, it was only because…’ She held her breath for a moment. ‘Am I the first person you have lain with?’
The frown that had not left his brow pinched a line above his nose, a line that would become a permanent feature when he was older. Instinctively her hand lifted and her fingertip touched it. His head pulled back, and he frowned more fiercely than before.
‘Was I?’
‘Why do you ask that?’ He looked hurt.
Caro touched his arm. ‘Drew told me he thinks you are, were, innocent.’
