Page 101 of The Secret Love of a Gentleman
The wounded look in his eyes said it was true. Yet, he looked at her as though she were mad and breathed out a long breath that was not a sigh but an expression of frustration. He shook his head, as a blush turned his skin an odd colour in the firelight.
It is true. I have seduced this magnificent young man.
Shame, the feeling she had known for years and cast off because of him, brought a blush to her skin. ‘Then, don’t you see? Of course you will think you have fallen in love with me. The act of making love may have confused you, and what will you feel in a year or two, when it is commonplace and not a novelty, and there is another woman who you prefer?—’
‘I will not want another woman. I love you. Are you saying you do not believe me?’
He looked and sounded so hurt and confused.
‘No. I believe you. I know what you think you feel now.’
‘I do not think I am in love with you, I love you.’
‘But you cannot be certain it is not just shallow sexual emotions, you have nothing to compare it to. What if you stop loving me after we are married? You should be certain.’
A muscle flickered in his jaw. ‘I know my own mind. What I feel for you is neither shallow nor purely because I gave my virginity to you. Emotions grip in my chest, clasping about my heart, every time you are in a room, or if I even think of you.’
‘I am sorry, I know that is what you feel now. But I have been married, and his love was not real, it did not last the tests of marriage. I cannot face that again.’
‘I am not him!’
She touched his arm. ‘I know. I am not saying that?—’
‘Then what are you saying?’ His pitch sharpened, becoming deeper. ‘Because, before you danced with Kilbride you had agreed to marry me, even if we must wait, and since then you have changed towards me. Do you still love him? Were your emotions for me shallow?’
‘No, Rob,’ She shook her head and lifted her arms to hold him, but he stepped back. ‘I do not love him. I love you, and it is because I love you that I want you to walk away from me. If you still love me in two years’ time, we will speak of marriage. But I will not be a shackle about your ankle and hold you back. I want you to have chance to be a young man, and to be sure our marriage is what you want.’
‘And what will you do in the meantime?’
Wait… and hope you come back to me.She did not answer, she could not speak any longer, the tears she fought to hold back were drowning her.
He swallowed hard, his Adam’s apple falling and rising. ‘Is there nothing I might say or do to change your decision?’
She shook her head.
‘It is insulting that you think I need years to know what I feel.I know it now. So, then…’ His eyebrows lifted and he shook his head. ‘As you deem my love unworthy now, I shall not force it, or my presence, on you any longer.’ He turned away.
‘Rob.’ She caught his arm but he pulled it free.
‘Goodbye, Caro.’
He walked from the room with long swift strides and left the door open behind him.
She expected the tears to fall, but she had become cold and numb, afraid she had lost him for ever.
When she left the room, Rob was not in the hall, but Albert was. He was speaking to a footman. Caro walked on, ignoring him.
She was cured.
A smile touched her lips. This may not feel like her happy-ever-after, it was not, not yet, but she believed Rob would come back to her. This was not over.
‘Caro.’ Albert grasped her arm and glanced down at her throat, at the cleavage of her bosom, noting the absence of the cross he had given her, as he had noticed its presence the other day.
His gaze lifted.
The firm grip that wrapped fully about her arm said,you are mine, as strongly as it always had.
I am not any more. I am Robert Marlow’s.
