Page 103 of The Secret Love of a Gentleman
Anger fuelled his pace. He was not confused. His feelings were ripping at his soul. He felt betrayed.
The night was dark, there were no stars, the moon was hidden behind a layer of clouds, and there were no gas lamps lighting the streets he walked. He could not even see his feet. This morning, he had begun to see a life-long future for himself, as a tenant of a manor with farmland, which meant he could marry her soon and fulfil his ambition to run for Parliament. Now, if he did any of that there would always be a void… A space that missed her part in his future.
He steadied his breathing as he walked, trying to silence his anger. She had said there might still be a future for them.
‘I love you, and it is because I love you that I want you to walk away from me. If you still love me in two years’ time, we will speak of marriage.’
It was not what he wanted, but he did understand to some degree.
‘I have been married, and his love was not real, it did not last the tests of marriage. I cannot face that again.’
She had loved Kilbride deeply, even when he began beating her. That marriage had not only turned sour, her husband had become cruel and left her enduring years of shame. Rob could never be violent, but if his love did fade, she would feel that shame again.
He wanted to give her a good shake, to make her believe in him. Yet, the only way he would achieve that would be to set up his life as he planned and to remain constant. To show her his love would endure, and then, she would know she could trust him.
She would be in his future. She had to be. He would make her life, and his, as happy as he could as soon as she would trust him body, heart and soul.
The night was cold. Rob rubbed his hands together as hewalked. He had dressed believing he would be riding home in the carriage, not walking home through dark streets.
A light rain began falling, adding to his bad humour.
Inferior. The word rang through him like a bell tolling. It was true. He had felt inferior since he was a child, and thought himself righteous and principled, claiming that was why his entitled cousins annoyed him.
He was also inferior to the woman he loved. Inferior in status, in life experience because she was six years his elder and inferior in common sense and strength of heart.
His footfalls echoed as he walked along the dark empty street.
Damn her.She was right, of course – they should not rush into committing themselves to one another when he had no independent income, other than what his brother, John, gave him from the Duke of Pembroke’s estate. He had no home for them to live in. He had no wealth or respect. Of course, she would want to wait until he could prove his reliability.
It was so dark, he could not see the pavement to know where he put his feet – in the same way that he could not see his future right now. But he walked, one foot after another, just as he would continue his life and show Caro he could love her and take care of her as she deserved.
His hand slipped into his pockets for warmth as he turned a corner.
Crack.The sound broke through his skull. Something hard and heavy had struck the back of his head.
Rob dropped to his knees on the wet pavement, not unconscious but dazed and shocked.
The sole of a man’s boot thumped into his face, knocking him onto the cobbles of the street.
He raised his hands, trying to protect himself, but the kickscame too fast, and he was dizzy and disorientated from the first blow.
Something solid and cold struck his arm, something metal. A sharp pain lanced up his arm. The same solid implement struck his upper leg, and he felt the bone snap.
Bile lurched into his throat and he vomited on the pavement, so close to his head he lay in it.
‘The gentleman said to tell you to leave what is his alone,’ a rough man’s voice growled.
Another hard blow hit his forehead, and everything went dark.
52
Caro walked down the front steps of John’s town house for what she imagined would be the last time. She had no intention of returning to London. This was no longer her life. She lived in London society for years when she was married, and endured the shallow friendships, gossip and stabs in her back. Now she was divorced she was free from it. She had only come back to see Rob, and to prove to herself she was strong enough to face these people. Now she had done those things, she could leave, and return to the quiet life she was forging for herself in the country –and hope that in time Rob would propose again. If he did not, she refused to think it a bad thing. If he did not, then at least she had known a summer with him, a summer that entirely changed her life, and it would be enough.
She had endured a dozen farewells before leaving the ball last night. There were none to endure this morning, as to make the journey easier on the children it was barely after dawn.
Drew carried a sleepy George against his shoulder, the child was sucking his thumb, and Mary carried Iris, still wrapped in her blanket.
The ground was covered with a layer of slippery frost, so Caro held Mary’s elbow to support her as they navigated the pavement to reach the carriage.
