Page 116 of The Secret Love of a Gentleman
‘Yes.’ She stepped back, opening the door wider to let him through.
He took off his hat and ducked beneath the lintel. His head remained bowed as he could not straighten beneath the wooden beams of the low ceiling.
‘Sit down, please,’ she encouraged, her thoughts and emotions stumbling over themselves. ‘What has happened to your leg?’ she asked as she saw his stick.
‘A fall from my horse.’
‘There is a scar on your brow too. A bad fall then.’
‘Yes, quite a bad one.’
‘Sit down, Rob, and I will make us some tea. My housekeeper is out but I am quite handy at such things these days.’
He smiled.
Oh, that smile. She had forgotten how handsome a man he was. Their child would be beautiful. Her hand shook as she put the china on the tray in the kitchen, and lifted the kettle with a rag to fill the teapot. She should tell him. But if she lost the child tomorrow, would it not be cruel to let him hope? She swallowedand took a deep breath, then picked up the tray and carried it through, smiling brightly.
‘I have come with a purpose,’ he said as she put the tray on the table. ‘Sit down and let us talk while the tea brews.’
‘Did you visit Mary and Drew first? Have the children seen you? George?—’
‘Caro, sit down, please. I have things to say.’
She did sit, sweeping her dress beneath her bottom, and drawing the pinafore forward so it hung loosely across her stomach, and would not show the roundness. She smiled, her lips quivering slightly.
He looked at her earnestly. ‘I have signed a lease for a manor house and lands, with a home farm. In Yorkshire. On my Uncle Robert’s estate. I will be moving there in a few weeks. There is a parliamentary seat coming up there this year, so I will stand for it, and God willing I will win.’ He sat forward. ‘I would get down on one knee, but I am afraid my leg will not allow it. Please, will you marry me? I want us to live there together. I have missed you beyond words…’
‘I have missed you too,’ she admitted, her hand touching her stomach unconsciously. The wordyes, the desire to accept, throbbed through her heart. She had done as Drew said. She had given Rob time. It was only a couple of months, but surely now the emotions of obligation would have fled. He had come because he was building a life to be able to marry her, and his eyes spoke of love, as deeply as before.
But… How could she say yes now, when she carried their child? To marry him and then break his heart when the child was lost. ‘Later…’ she said. ‘I have missed you, Rob, but I need more time to be sure.’
‘To be sure of what? I love you. I am sure.’
She breathed deeply. ‘I love you too. You know I do. But…’
A frown creased his forehead and he shook his head. ‘Why is there a but?’
‘If we marry, I will not be able to give you children. If I fell with child and lost the child, how would you feel?’
‘Terrible, for my sake and more for yours.’ His eyes opened wide, then his head shook the thought aside. ‘But I do not need an heir. I will not even own the property, and my father’s property can pass to Harry as easily as me. So, if I must use protection to prevent it then I will.’
He had said enough for her to be sure he would be hurt by a loss he need not suffer.
‘May I think about it, Rob?’
‘Think…’ He smiled. ‘I have been thinking about nothing else since the day you left London.’ He swallowed. ‘Yes. Think. Then when you have made up your mind, write to me, care of John’s house in London.’
‘Shall I pour the tea?’ She stood.
‘Not for me. I came to talk and I have said everything I wanted to. I will go, and wait to hear from you.’ He stood but could not fully straighten, and walked awkwardly to the door, his limp more pronounced.
‘Does your leg hurt badly?’
‘More so as I have been travelling today.’
She followed him to the door and stepped outside behind him. She wanted to kiss him goodbye. ‘Thank you,’ she said, thinking of these months he had given her with a child.
‘Goodbye,’ he answered.
