Page 24 of The Secret Love of a Gentleman
She opened her parasol and rested it on her shoulder, to shade her face.
‘Did you enjoy your day?’ he asked.
‘Very much.’ Her voice quivered.
‘I respect you immensely, Caroline.’ Rob looked sideways at her as they walked around the corner of the house on to the lawn. ‘I was thinking, when we saw you earlier, how courageous you were to leave the Marquis of Kilbride. It only really occurred to me today what a big step it must have been to give up so much.’ It was not the best topic to choose, yet this was what was on his mind and if Caroline were to be a friend, he ought to treat her as he would his male friends and say what he thought.
‘I want you to know I admire your courage. To experience such things and then to walk away and leave that life behind…’ He bowed to her.
Her skin flushed red and tears glossed her eyes. ‘Excuse me…’ She did not wait for his response but walked off – the phantom, the ghost, of Caroline.
‘You are a damned idiot, Rob,’ he said quietly to himself, as he followed a few paces behind.
He asked the footman in the hall for tea and water for a bath, both to be sent up to his room. It would be best if he stayed out of the way for the rest of the afternoon.
Caroline did not come down for dinner.
After the meal, Mary went up to the nursery to check on George, and Drew suggested they drink their port in the garden, so he could smoke a cigar and prevent Mary complaining about him filling the room with smoke.
Drew offered Rob a cigar, but smoking was another vice Rob had never got into the habit of. He thought the taste and smell foul. However, he grasped at the opportunity of their privacy. ‘I was thinking today about Caroline’s marriage. It is no wonder her nerves affect her as they do. I know some of the details from the newspapers at the time…’ He let his words hang, in the hope Drew would add more depth without any specific questions.
A trail of smoke slithered through Drew’s slightly parted lips. ‘You do not know any of the details. Even I do not. You read sensationalised stories, which did not even scratch the surface of the truth. And, for God’s sake, do not tell Caro you read anything. She did not have sight of newspapers at the time, it would upset her. She is a private person.’
So Rob had noticed.
Rob’s fingers brushed through his hair, sweeping back his fringe from his forehead, as he thought through how to navigate this conversation to find out more.
Her response to his chosen topic this afternoon had made him suspect something else about her – that her air of shame waspossibly not wounded pride but because her failed marriage had stripped her of all pride.
‘I shall not speak of it,’ he confirmed to Drew.
He wished to make Caroline feel at ease, and now he wondered more than ever if it was embarrassment, and the corresponding emotions, that weaved the threads that tied her tongue and kept her trapped.
14
Drew and Mary went out for a ride after breakfast. So, Caroline walked up to the nursery to spend time alone with the children. She assumed Robbie had gone riding too, but he was sprawled across the nursery floor, lying on his side, his weight balanced on one elbow, so he could lean across and move members of an army of lead soldiers.
‘Boom!’ He sent an imaginary blast from his lead cannon, pointing it towards George’s line of riflemen, then reached across and knocked the men flat.
She expected George to become angry, but he laughed.
‘I respect you immensely.’
Respect…She had spent the past years feeling nothing but shame. She was taught to feel shame as a child because of her birth. No one had said they respected her…
The word had thrown her into turmoil yesterday, as the past rose up in her memories, good and bad.‘What a big step it must have been to give up so much…’Yes, she had given up everything: her home, her position in society, love… life. Then, she had been able to hold her head high, denying in public what happened in private, and she had been a wife, with responsibility and purpose, not a leach.
Her barren womb had made her become a burden to Albert; that failure was her greatest shame.
She turned to leave; unsure what she might do, but she could not play games of war.
‘Caroline.’
Rob was getting up, his long legs a tangle of limbs.
‘May we speak privately for a moment?’
‘I respect you immensely…’
