Page 61 of The Secret Love of a Gentleman
Caro waved too.
They watched as he sped the horses into a trot and the carriage rolled away. Her heart shattered the moment he was out of sight. She swallowed hard, to hide her feelings.
Mary’s arm slipped through Caro’s. ‘Would you like to sit outside with Iris and I? Perhaps we could even persuade Drew to sit with us and read from the book Rob was halfway through.’
Drew glanced over his shoulder. ‘I will. If you order lemonade.’
‘Hu’ah! I like lemonade!’ George cheered.
Mary laughed.
Rob had gone, and everything here would slip back to how it had been. The hole he left would heal up. Except she would not go back to hiding. She would meet and speak to people and build a life for herself that would make her less of a burden on Drew and Mary and give Caro some self-respect.
Mary released Caro’s arm and took Iris from the nursery maid.
Caro glanced back along the drive, feeling the distance growing between them.
Goodbye. I love you, Rob, but I shall not hold you to anything.
‘Caro,’ Drew called her.
She turned and forced a smile.
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Rob’s hands shook as they held the straps while steering his horses out through Drew’s gateway and onto the road. He felt like a heel. He ought to turn back and ask her to marry him, even if it must be a long engagement.
It was pride that stopped him, because he had no life to offer her yet. Let him fulfil his plan first. Then he would be proud of himself when he proposed to her, and worthy of being her husband.
He flicked the reins and stirred his animals into a gallop so his mind might focus on that and not the clutter of emotions roiling in his gut.
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Rob had made himself a hypocrite. He could no longer condemn Harry’s behaviour. At least Harry took his pleasure with the sort of woman who knew exactly where she stood. Harry slept with women who wanted to be paid. Rob had dishonoured a noblewoman, and a woman in the very heart of his family. His father would kill him if he knew.
He did intend to marry her, just not now. She had been a Marchioness, how could he offer her the hand of a gentleman who lived on a gifted income? He could not. It would damage what little pride he had in himself. Marriage must wait until he had an independent income.
He missed her, though, missed her quiet presence, her silent watching. His heartbeat throbbed a little quicker, whenever he thought of her.
He stayed with Mary and Drew to clear his mind and plan his future. He left with his thoughts tied up in knots.
Whatever he did now, he must make a living for himself to be able to afford a wife, as well as become a politician. He hadbehaved badly, and he could not shy away from the consequences.
Yet what if she did not agree to marry him? She had been married to a Marquis, she might never be willing to marry a mere gentleman, especially if he had no income of his own.
Rob jogged up the steps to the Duke of Pembroke’s town house, his half-brother, John’s, town residence.
The porter opened the door and bowed. ‘Sir.’ When he straightened, he held out a hand to take Rob’s hat.
He would live here alone. Most of the house was covered in dust sheets. But Rob had the use of his rooms, the family parlour on the first floor and the morning room to dine in – and John had left more servants here to manage the empty house than his father and Drew had in their full household.
Rob crossed the huge marble-lined hall and climbed the stairs.
The dust sheets covering the pictures, ornaments and furniture in the halls only made things more obvious to Rob that his life, as it stood, was not one he could invite Caro to join him in.
He and his friends had not joined White’s, the gentlemen’s club every man in his family belonged to. They joined Brooks’s, at Rob’s urging. His brother and uncles spoke out for the Tories in the House of Lords. White’s was full of men with that political view. While he attended the college in Oxford, Rob’s leanings had shifted further and further towards the opposing political perspective. When Rob sought his seat in the House of Commons he intended to stand for the Whig party, who were aligned to Brooks’s club.
Choosing Brooks’s was his first step towards establishing an independence from his family. He would not walk in the shadow of his half-brother or his noble uncles in Brooks’s. He could also develop a network to help him achieve his seat in Parliament.
