Page 118 of The Reckless Love of an Heir
‘I think he is afraid of it… It is as though… Oh, I do not know. He has stopped living. He ignores us all, even Gerard and Stephen. He is locked away somewhere with no sight of life. I am worried and Edward was trying to make him see sense, but now Papa has told him to go away. I was angry with him over that. He told me it was none of my business. But Edward was helping me too. He was helping me manage the estate. When I told Papa, he said it was selfish of me to expect his help, because Edward had his own estate to manage…’
Susan trapped him within her arms. ‘You are not selfish. It is the last thing you are.’
His head fell back and he looked up. ‘Remember you have said so yourself, before, and I do not deny it.’
‘I know, but I was wrong, and you are wrong, and your father is wrong. Your loyalty to others has merely never been tested before. Uncle Robert will know that in his heart. He is just hurting, Henry. As you are.’
Hurting. Lord. Yes.I hurt.
Susan’s arms kept a tight hold about him.
‘I love you,’ he said.
‘I know. I know it in the way Samson knows it, even though you order us about sometimes.’
He laughed.
‘Why do you not speak to your mother in the morning? She must be worried about your father too.’
‘Because I do not wish to burden her.’
‘So you are being entirely unselfish and taking every burden on yourself. That is not a bad thing to do. But, Henry, you are grieving too. You need to speak to your parents. If you can never sleep you will make yourself ill. Form a plan with your mother to help your father.’
A dismissing sound left his lips as he shut his eyes, and breathed slowly, fighting the pain of the emotions gathering in his throat that threatened to choke him.
30
Henry carried Susan back to bed, asleep, and tucked her in for the second time at half past five, then dressed and walked down to the kitchens. Samson followed, his tail wagging in anticipation of being let out. Henry rubbed the dog’s head then asked a boy in the kitchen to take Samson out to the grooms. He asked Cook for coffee and toasted his own bread on a fork over the kitchen fire, as he had done as a boy.
Percy appeared in the kitchen as Henry was eating his buttered toast and proceeded to copy Henry and toast some more bread. Then half an hour later Stephen and Gerard appeared and more bread was toasted, over a loud conversation. With Cook grumbling at them for getting under the feet of those there to work and reminding them the rest of the household would be eating at the table upstairs.
Henry laughed along with his brothers, because they all knew Cook had always appreciated their raucous company in the kitchen.
A desire for William to be there with them clasped in Henry’s chest. He and Percy had done this together before, and clearlyGerard and Stephen had too, but this was the first time all his brothers sat together and ate breakfast in the kitchen. He wished William had had the opportunity to be with them at least once…
After they had eaten Samson was returned in the company of his father’s other dogs. Their tails wagged as they surrounded his brothers. But Samson, as ever, came straight to him.
Gerard looked at Henry. ‘Can we ride out somewhere with the dogs?’
‘We can, and we shall.’ Henry rose. ‘Yet we had best dress appropriately.’
Percy stood too. ‘Hurry up then, boys, let us get ready.’
He still called Gerard and Stephen boys, but really they were not, they were youths, tall, and growing fast and they had aged half a dozen years more in the last couple of weeks. Stephen lay a hand on Gerard’s shoulder as they walked away. In the same way Henry might have.
A warm feeling spread through Henry’s blood. It was far better to see himself modelled in that way than to think of himself as the inspiration for the folly that killed William.
‘Are you walking upstairs?’ Percy asked.
‘Yes.’
Henry did not talk very much as they walked up the servants’ staircase to the hall, and then up the main stairs. He thought of Susan. Of the things she said to him last night.He is just hurting, as you are…
When he and Percy parted ways, Henry sighed out his breath. He had to resolve things with his father.
Susan was still asleep. He quietly found out his riding clothes, carried them into the dressing room, shut the door and changed in there. He left via the servants’ door rather than risk disturbing Susan.
While they rode Stephen declared he and Gerard had agreedthey would like to return to school. Henry later manoeuvred his horse to ride beside Gerard, so he could ask him if he really wanted to go. He wanted to be sure the choice had been Gerard’s too.
