Page 121 of The Reckless Love of an Heir
He slowed the stallion to a canter, then near the wall he slowed the animal to a trot and pulled the reins to halt him a few feet from the walls. He thrust his leg over the animal’s rump and then, feet together, balanced with his hands on the saddle before letting himself drop to the ground. He walked over to a tree and wrapped the reins about a branch, then walked back to a low unadorned entrance into the abbey ruins.
The ruins were a clutter of walls in the shapes of the old rooms. There was one long, wide area. It contained his father. The great height of the walls and the remains of the ornate windows denoted the space as the abbey’s former place of worship. At one time it would have been as grand as York Minster.
His father was kneeling on the grass in the place where the remains of an altar stood. Henry walked steadily and quietly towards him, not calling out so he would not interrupt his prayer.
Had his father spent every day here, on his knees?
Henry considered kneeling beside him, with a desire to pray for time to turn backwards and give them William. Yet if time turned back now, he would not have Susan and all that had passed between them in the last days.
‘Papa…’ he said when he was only a few feet from his father.
His father looked back and stood up. ‘Henry… Why are you here?
‘I need to speak with you.’
‘So you have ridden out all this way…’
‘Yes. As I said, I need to speak with you. Will you listen?’
His father sighed, then turned and walked towards an exit to the right of the altar. It was clear that years ago there had been steps down, now there was a slope. Perhaps the steps were there, hidden beneath the grass and mud, just like the emotions inside him had been hidden beneath a life lacking any need to care for others. Just as Susan had said.
Henry followed his father into an area of numerous walls set out in squares, all only a few feet in height. ‘Papa…’ His frustration rang back from the bare stone. ‘Will you listen?’
‘As you have followed me here, how can I not?’
That was not the answer Henry wished for, he needed his father to want to listen, if he had any chance of making him care. And he was still walking away, with his back turned.
‘I do not mean merely acknowledge me!’ In the past Henry had only raised his voice while defending himself over some accusation about some act of recklessness. But it was his father who was being reckless now.
His father looked back and their gazes clashed. ‘I am listening. I said speak.’
‘Gerard and Stephen want to return to Eton.’
His father turned around. ‘Already? Why?’
‘Because they need things to feel normal to recover from their grief.’
His father stared at him. ‘And their home is not normal? I expected them to stay at least a week or two more.’
‘Their home is full of memories and people in pain. Mama and the girls are often in tears, they cannot cry, and you…’
‘I what?’
‘You ignore them.’
His father’s brow furrowed into a deep frown.
‘I know it is because you are mourning William. I am too. But they were closest to him and they nee?—’
‘They have you and Percy.’
‘We are not their father. They need you.’
His father came forward. ‘And you?’ he asked.
Henry drew in a deep breath, unsure what his father meant. That they needed him… That he needed his father… Emotions gathered in the back of his throat, he forced the words out around the lump of them. ‘I need you too. I am in pain too.’ Guilt cut through him the moment the words were out. ‘But I am not here for my sake. The younger ones, and Mama, need you there.’
His father came closer, and for the first time Henry saw his emotions in his eyes. ‘I am in pain too. I need you all too.’ His arms lifted. Henry stepped into the embrace and wrapped his arms about his father, as his father’s arms came about him. He had not held his father like this since he had been William’s age. He had outgrown such things, and yet he was giving his father comfort as much as receiving it.
