Page 36 of The Forbidden Love of an Officer
She was so beautiful.
* * *
Paul eased out of the bed as carefully as he could, trying not to wake Ellen. As he moved, she rolled to her back and stretched her arms, her sleepy eyes opening and looking up at him, the pale blue slightly misty. Her skin was reddened in places from the heat of his embrace and the brush of his stubble.
When she lay in bed looking like this, with her hair only loosely braided and escaping about her face, he loved her more – the imperfect, approachable, Ellen.
He leaned down and pressed a kiss on her forehead, longing to return to the bed but knowing he could not; he had things to do. ‘Be ready in case we are to sail today, I shall send word as soon as I know.’
She nodded.
As he washed and dressed, she sat upright in bed, watching him, her arms lying over the covers. He kept occasionally smiling at her in the mirror. They would be well. They would be happy. And he would keep her safe. He would accept no other conclusion. But even as he assured himself, his mind threw images of dead and dying men at him.
When he looked at her, and walked back to the bedside, she looked at him with the awe he had seen in her eyes in the summer. The look spoke to his heart as it had done then, stealing away all the memories of war. He bent and kissed her forehead. ‘Goodbye, Ellen. I doubt I shall return for luncheon, not unless we are to sail. But I shall send word.’
She nodded again then said, ‘Good day.’
As he turned away, there was the sensation low in his stomach. Fear; for her. He hated the feeling. She was a quiet woman, she often withdrew into her thoughts rather than join a conversation, yet despite her shyness, his men adored her, because she would speak to them in the same way she spoke to the officers. Of course, the other officers were enamoured too – though most had expressed shock over her decision to follow the drum. He had not told them she had no choice.
Perhaps that was why he felt concern – because it had not been her choice. She had chosen only to be his wife, the outcome of that had been decided for her.
Casting that thought aside, he left the room. It was too late to worry over such things. Their course was set.
* * *
When a soldier arrived, almost bursting into the small parlour, dressed in the scarlet coat and blue-grey pantaloons of Paul’s regiment, Ellen stood, setting aside her sewing without thought. Jennifer stood too.
‘Madam.’ He bowed deeply.
‘Tell me your news. I presume my husband sent you?’
‘Ma’am.’ He bowed again. ‘The captain did. He asked me to inform you that the regiment is to sail on the high tide at six this evening.’
It was today then. ‘Very well. Did he say how our things are to be taken to the dock?’
‘Some of the men will come with the captain after four and bring a cart to take your items, ma’am.’
Ellen nodded. That was it then. The end of the peace they had known here.
‘And there are these, ma’am.’ He held out two letters.
‘Letters from my husband?’
‘No, ma’am, they came with the regimental mail.’
She took them from his outstretched hand and turned one over. The coat of arms imprinted in the seal was one she’d known all her life… her father’s. She recognised the writing on the other, Penny’s.
Ellen’s heart leapt, then pounded as she looked at the young soldier. ‘Thank you.’ Her voice came out much quieter than she had expected and a little shakily with the emotions gripping in her chest. She urged more strength into it. ‘I am grateful. Please tell Captain Harding I shall be ready.’
The soldier bowed again, with a stiff posture, then walked from the room.
‘Jennifer, would you fetch us some tea?’
As soon as Jennifer had gone, Ellen broke the seal on her father’s letter. It was short.
I did not, and do not, welcome your letters. They have all been destroyed and you are not to contact your mother or your sisters. Do you understand? I do not wish to hear from a disobedient child, and I shall not have your ill behaviour reflect on the others.
You have made your choice, now live it, and be done.
