Page 38 of The Forbidden Love of an Officer
‘The other letter was from Penny. She wanted me to know that she is happy for me, and wishes me well…’
Paul held her hands. ‘I know you miss your sisters. If he had accepted my offer?—’
Ellen met his gaze. ‘It is not your fault he refused you, and to acknowledge us. You are more than worthy.’
His eyes shone with heartfelt anger.
‘The fault is my father’s. His rigid judgement…’ Ellen concluded.
Paul touched beneath her chin. ‘Even so, I regret that this is the outcome of marrying me.’
‘I do not regret. I am happy to be your wife, and if I had wanted to see you I would have had to travel alongside you anyway.’
‘Then I am a very lucky man.’
‘Well, that makes us equal, because I know I am lucky to be with you.’ She smiled, denying the sadness inside her.
She could tell from the expression in his eyes he wished to kiss her, but that would be a step too far in the street when he was in the persona of a soldier.
‘Come.’ He raised his arm, offering it to her to hold on to.
She did hold on to him, in so many ways.
When they reached the dock, the other officers were present and casting various orders. Instantly she noticed his lieutenant colonel on the deck of the ship. She sensed his gaze on her, he always watched her. She did not look up as Paul acknowledged him. She was under no obligation to do so, and there was just something about the man which made her skin crawl, as though she had lain on an ants’ nest.
Paul’s arm fell from beneath her fingers then he walked quicker, moving a few paces ahead as he called a couple of the soldiers over. She heard him telling them his belongings would arrive soon…
When he returned to her, he leaned forward. ‘I have managed to secure us a cabin as you were so uncomfortable with our conditions previously,’ he said quietly.
Beyond Paul, his senior officer watched them. She focused on Paul. ‘Thank you.’
‘Shall I take you to it? Or would you rather wait on deck until we sail?’
‘No. Take me there.’
‘Very well then.’ Instead of offering his arm, he took her hand, and she was well aware of her fingers shaking despite her brave words.
He led her up the gangplank and stopped before the lieutenant colonel for her to curtsy. She did so, briefly, without looking up to meet his gaze, she looked instead at his cravat.
‘Good day, Madam Harding, I hope our weather is fair and the journey shall not be difficult for you.’
He said nothing wrong – nothing offensive – there was nothing factual to cause her discomfort, except that he stared. But that tingle of disgust which kept running up her spine whenever he was near shivered through her nerves.
‘I will show Ellen to our cabin and then return and instruct the men.’
‘Indeed.’ With that she was dismissed.
Paul’s hand tightened around hers, gently leading her across the deck. The cabin was tiny, probably only a yard wide, with one narrow cot and another above it, but at least it would be private.
‘We will be at sea for three to four days, Ellen. I shall send Jennifer to you once she arrives.’ Paul closed the door, leaving her alone. She sat on the lower bunk.
Everything felt so strange. She supposed this would be the way it was now – she would become used to one place and then it would be time to move to another.
She lay down on the bunk. If he wished for relations tonight it would be impossible as her bleed had begun. Her lower back ached a little as she rolled to her side.
10
Paul looked about the port for what seemed like the fiftieth time. It overwhelmed even him. They had docked an hour ago. The place was already teeming with soldiers, and among the men in uniform were dozens of people here for pleasure. It seemed as though half the fashionable world had descended on Ostend, as well as the military. He had intended to leave Ellen on the ship, but she had not wished to stay while he went ashore, so she was clinging to his hand as they navigated the crowd.
