Page 64 of The Forbidden Love of an Officer
‘Let me lift you onto the horse, you need not walk.’ The lieutenant colonel’s hands embraced either side of her waist, not waiting for her consent. He lifted her onto the saddle, so swiftly, she had to grasp his shoulders. He smelt clean, and she noticed for the first time he was clean. He must have washed and changed his clothes before he had come with his hideous news.
The lieutenant colonel led the horse through the streets himself, at a walk, as Ellen held the saddle’s pommel and tears flowed down her cheeks. The two soldiers walked beside her, at either side of the horse, making this an odd sort of procession.
When they reached the house which she and Paul had visited several times over their weeks in Brussels, he lifted her down, his eyes asking questions he did not speak. When he did not release her waist, she stepped away, pushing his hands off her, her emotions in turmoil.
‘Forgive me,’ he said. The front door was opened by a servant. The lieutenant colonel held back, his hand gesture encouraging her to enter first. ‘Find the maid and ask her to help Mrs Harding,’ he told the servant. ‘She is to stay.’
‘You may go,’ he told the soldiers who had accompanied him.
He led Ellen into the drawing room where she had stood with Paul when they had attended a dinner or a party here. Memories wrapped about Ellen’s heart, strangling it with pain. She did not believe he was gone. The lieutenant colonel spoke, but she did not hear what he said as he moved to pour a drink; she could think of nothing but Paul now.
When the maid came, after only a few minutes, Ellen went willingly, following her upstairs to a room at the rear of the house. It was a small suite of two rooms. A sunny sitting room decorated in pink, with a door into the bedchamber beyond it.
‘May I do anything to help you, or fetch you anything, ma’am?’
‘No. You may go.’ Nothing could bring Paul back, and that was all she needed.
When the maid had gone, Ellen walked into the bedchamber, climbed on to the bed, crawled into the middle, curled into a ball, and wept, with her knees hugged tightly to her chest as her heart broke.
23
Ellen stared at the window. She had remained in this room, on this bed, watching the sun travel across the sky, then the moon rise, and now the sun was appearing again. She must get up and return to those who were wounded. That was what Paul would wish her to do, he had told her at the Duchess of Richmond’s ball to think of other men.
She rose from the bed, still clothed. She had neither eaten nor undressed since arriving here.
A sharp knock struck the door of the sitting room beside her bedchamber. It was not the maid, the maid would have knocked on the narrow servants’ door that opened into that room.
‘You may come in!’ she called as she walked into the sitting room.
When the door opened, it was the lieutenant colonel. He stepped into the room.
Instinctively, Ellen took a step back.
He raised a hand as Ellen might have done to soothe a horse. ‘Mrs Harding, I have come to see how you are. The maid said you have not eaten…’
‘I am as well as I might be. I am returning to care for the wounded today. I was helping in Mrs Beard’s house. She has taken some of the wounded in.’
He walked towards her. This time Ellen rejected the instinct to back away; it was rude, when he had been kind enough to give her somewhere to stay.
When he reached her, he took her hand from her side. Ellen recoiled, she could not prevent the reaction, she was too heart-sore for Paul. She did not want the touch of anyone else, but his clasp firmed and would not release her, though it was not painful.
‘My dear Mrs Harding, you should not leave the house, not yet. I refuse to allow it. You are in shock, and suffering grief. It is not sensible for you to go to help others. For now, you must look after yourself, I insist upon it. I cannot allow you to go. You must stay here and let me care for you.’
What could she say? She had no heart or will to argue. Her spirit just wished to curl up in a ball and be with Paul. Tears filled her eyes, clouding her vision, then spilling onto her cheeks, rolling downwards in a trickle to drip from her chin. He released her hand so she might wipe them away.
The lieutenant colonel’s arm came about her. He led her to the small sofa and sat beside her. ‘You must not distress yourself, I shall protect you now. You may stay with me for as long as you wish and I will keep you safe.’
Ellen nodded, wiping away more tears. She felt uncomfortable with him, but she had nowhere else to go. She needed somewhere to stay.
‘Let me send up some food to tempt you to eat, and I shall buy you some pretty dresses to cheer you.’
‘I do not need them…’
‘But you should have them. You should have beautiful things. I have hired a lady’s maid for you, one who knows how to style a woman and such. I shall send her to you now so she might help you change. Then would you come downstairs and eat your breakfast with me?
‘No.’ Ellen’s answer was vehement. She could not sweep Paul aside and dress and dine… She looked at the lieutenant colonel and said more quietly, realising perhaps she had been disrespectful, ‘No, thank you, I would rather remain alone…’ She left a pause after her words, a pause asking him to leave her now.
He stood, bowed, lifted her hand from her lap and her fingers to his lips, pressing a kiss there. When his head lifted and he straightened, his gaze looked deep into her eyes. ‘Believe me, Mrs Harding, I shall do my utmost to make you happy.’
