Page 66 of The Forbidden Love of an Officer
A shiver spun up Ellen’s spine – his stares still unnerved her. But she ignored it. It was just his way. She was used to it now.
To hide her discomfort, Ellen clasped her hands before her stomach. She was in awe of the news.Paul’s child grew inside her, even though he had gone.Jubilance, fear and love filled her heart in equal measures.
‘You need not fear,’ Lieutenant Colonel Hillier said in a tight voice. ‘You may continue to reside with me. I shall keep you, and protect you while you carry the child, and I am willing to look after you once the child is born.’
It had never occurred to her that he may not allow her to stay, because if she did not stay where would she go? Yet she ought not to stay forever. She should apply to Paul’s family, and her own, as Paul had asked her to do.
‘Will you dine with me tonight, Mrs Harding? You cannot remain in these rooms forever.’
‘I will dine with you, yes.’ He was right, she had to create a life for her child.
He stared at her, his gaze intense and questioning, then turned away and left the room.
He was a difficult man to understand, and yet he was being kind to her, taking her in and protecting her. ‘Any of the officers would help you, you may appeal to any of them,’ Paul had said when he had told her what to do before the battle. But he had also told her to look to his father for financial support…
An hour before dinner, a new dress was sent to her rooms. It was a very pale blue, almost the colour of her eyes. The muslin was thin, and very fine, and the white lace that adorned the neck and the hem of the short sleeves was exquisite. It must have cost a good sum; more than Paul could have afforded.
The maid of all work who had delivered it bobbed a curtsy. ‘Ma’am, Lieutenant Colonel Hillier said he wishes you to wear the dress tonight, so you might look pretty when you dine with him.’ The girl looked at the floorboards, not at Ellen, with a blush rouging her cheeks.
‘Say thank you to Lieutenant Colonel Hillier,’ Ellen replied, bluntly.
She had no desire to dress prettily. She did not feel like dining with him or even eating. She walked within a nightmare that would not end. Perhaps, in a moment she would wake, and Paul might walk through the door, come to take her home. She imagined the kiss he would give to her. Her soul ached desperately for him.
As her ladies’ maid helped her dress for dinner, Ellen was silent, allowing it, not really thinking or focusing, and then she sat before the mirror not at all aware of what the maid did with her hair.
‘There, ma’am. The lieutenant colonel will be waiting.’ Megan stepped back, admiring her work. Ellen did not even look at the mirror. She turned away, a dark fog surrounding her as she left the room.
It was the first time she had gone beyond the door of her sitting room since coming here. It was odd; everything felt surreal and out of place. She lived with a stranger here – she was a stranger to herself.
Her fingers ran along the oak banister as she walked downstairs. Two footmen waited in the hall; neither of them looked at her but at the polished floorboards near her feet. One opened the door leading into the dining room.
A sharp sudden pain pierced Ellen’s breast.
The last time she had entered this room, it was with her hand on Paul’s arm, and the last time she had sat at the table was when she had been beside Paul. She heard his voice as he talked animatedly with his peers, while she had been absorbed watching his expressions, not following the men’s conversation.
Tears distorted her vision as she walked to the table. She blinked them away.
Lieutenant Colonel Hillier stood. ‘Let me draw out a chair for you.’ He slid back the chair next to the one he had risen from at the head of the table.
She looked at the chairs she and Paul had previously occupied at the lower end of the table as she walked past, her heart aching for him.
‘Do sit,’ Lieutenant Colonel Hillier said, ignoring any evidence of her distress.
Ellen bit her lip and swallowed several times, fighting tears. She shut her eyes to dispel them, but as she did so, she saw Paul, smiling at her.
She opened her eyes again and took the seat Lieutenant Colonel Hillier held out for her. She thought of Paul doing the same on their wedding night.
‘The dress looks very beautiful upon you.’ He sat too.
Ellen looked up and nodded. ‘Thank you.’
‘You are a very remarkable woman, but I am sure you are aware of that.’
She did not know how to answer.
‘Do you like my gift?’
Ellen nodded again, feeling dazed. ‘Yes, thank you.’
