Page 72 of The Forbidden Love of an Officer
‘I said kneel! You have had everything you wanted, for months! You are under my protection! Do you hear? You owe me. How else will you pay? I want a woman. I want you!’
The servants must be able to hear his bitter shouting; she could not bear the embarrassment. ‘Please let me go…’ she whispered, in another quiet plea.
‘Enough of your refusals.’ The hand that held her hair pulled her down, the pain in her scalp agony. Unless she screamed, she had no choice. But if she screamed, who would come? He paid the servants.
She had been brought up not to acknowledge servants. Not to share anything personal with them. She had been close to Pippa, but Pippa had raised her, she was like a second mother. She would have called out to Pippa for help, but no one else… How could she call for Megan? The lieutenant colonel would only hurt her too. If a footman came, what would he do? He was paid to do as this man asked. If a footman helped her, he would be dismissed.
‘Kneel, damn you!’ Her hair was jerked downwards, her knees gave way and she fell onto the floorboards.
With his free hand, as she overcame the pain of having fallen, the lieutenant colonel undid the two buttons which secured the flap of his breeches, he pulled her hair, forcing her to rise to her knees, and in the next moment he filled her mouth as Paul had used to fill the place between her legs.
My God. My God…
Despair reeled through her. She could not breathe…
The shame…
26
She had prayed for it to end. Prayed to survive…
Now she lay on the floor. He had gone. But she could not make her limbs move and go to her bed.
A part of her did not believe what had happened. She was not certain of anything anymore. How could any man do something so vile? He was a senior army officer. She had trusted him.
He had secured his breeches and said, ‘That is done then, Ellen. Thank you. You will not say no to me again.’ Then walked away as though he had not just violated her in the cruellest way.
She longed to call for Megan, but she was afraid to admit what had just occurred. It was her fault. Yet the error had not been in the last few moments; in not locking her door, in not having saidnomore firmly and leaving the house. The error had been made months ago when she accepted his help.
Foolish… Foolish!It was foolish to have thought it was safe to accept anything from this man and think there would be no consequence.
Paul would be turning in his grave so many miles away. His body had been sent home to his family. He would be chiding her, too, for giving away the money he had left for her to find a pathway home. She should have left Brussels with Jennifer.
She held her stomach, protecting their child.
27
Megan’s slight knock announced the arrival of Ellen’s morning cup of chocolate. As Megan entered the room, Ellen could not look at her, she felt too ashamed. The servants slept in the attic above her room, Megan must have heard.
‘I will return in half an hour to help you dress, ma’am,’ Megan said, as she did every morning.
‘I am feeling too ill to rise,’ Ellen replied.
‘You have not been sick…’ Megan swept forward and pressed a palm to Ellen’s brow. ‘You do not feel hot, ma’am.’ Her hand moved away.
No, she was not ill in the physical sense of the word, but she was sick of life and heart-sore. She missed Paul, and she did not want to rise and keep living today. How could she get up, when she knew what had happened yesterday?
She sipped her chocolate and felt bilious, holding a hand to her mouth. Megan rushed to fetch the chamber pot, and Ellen was sick.
‘If you stay in bed, ma’am, should I bring you some toast?’
Ellen nodded and lay back. Her child, Paul’s child, needed her to eat. She turned her head, hiding her face, and the tears, as Megan left.
When Megan returned with the toast, Ellen feigned sleep so she need not speak.
At noon, Megan arrived again, with a luncheon tray. Ellen refused it. She had only eaten four bites of the toast. She would eat for the child tomorrow, but today she had no heart for anything.
Late in the afternoon, there was another slight knock on the door. ‘Are you awake, ma’am?’ Megan called in a quiet, apologetic voice.
