Page 75 of The Forbidden Love of an Officer
With the back of his fingers on her breast he pierced the muslin cloth; bile rose in her throat but she swallowed it back.
Now he had put her in her place and embarrassed her before the footman. Now her skin burned as the footman looked on.
He smiled as her whole body trembled, while he pinned the brooch onto the fabric of her bodice, a little above her nipple.
It took only a moment to secure the brooch, then his hand slid away. ‘There. It will brighten up your blacks.’
Ellen retook her seat, as he did. She knew now, the gift had been given to allow him a moment of control. To ensure she would know he could, and would, touch her when he wanted to.
‘You need not buy me gifts,’ she said in a quiet voice.
‘But I wanted to. I wished to thank you.’
She looked at him. ‘I do not want your gifts, and I do not want it to happen again. Will you give me your word that it will not?’
He met her gaze for the first time, now he had succeeded in embarrassing and belittling her. ‘I cannot promise you that. But I will continue to take care of you, and I shall look after you well.’
‘I do not care how well you treat me?—’
‘Ellen.’ He barked her name so loudly she jumped. ‘Let us be clear. You have no money, no family, and the titled men you appealed to have shown no interest. You have nowhere to live other than here, and if you live here, in recompense, you will repay me as I choose.’ He did not even attempt to speak quietly, so the footman had heard every word.
After dinner, Ellen found a quill, ink and paper, and wrote to her father. Tomorrow, she would go out alone and take the letter to an inn that would transport post. No one would know, and she could send her letters with no money as the recipient was asked for payment. She would not even tell Megan what she was doing. No one could know she was trying to escape.
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‘Madam! You should sit up.’ The midwife helping Ellen was a bulldog. She was physically muscular and from the way she spoke, the woman thought she could merely shout at the child to make it come out.
Her grip rough and firm she pulled Ellen to an almost sitting position.
Ellen had been in labour for a day and a half, and exhaustion overwhelmed her, urging her to lie down and give up.
‘Madam!’
Ellen closed her eyes as she collapsed back. She was too tired to fight. Too much had happened to her, too many awful things. What was there to fight for?
‘Madam!’
She wished to die. Let it all just be over now.
‘Madam!’ The last was shouted as her next contraction came.
Ellen’s fingers clawed into the blood-stained sheet, gripping it tight as she cried out, longing for the one person who could never come – to come to her. ‘Paul!’ His name came on an agonised cry, not from the pain of labour, but from the pain of her broken heart. It was shattered. She was shattered. ‘I cannot…’
‘You have little choice, ma’am, the child is within you and it must get out,’ the midwife told her bluntly.
‘Ahhhhhrrg!’ Ellen growled at the woman, baring her teeth.
In that instant she hated Paul for dying, and she hated fate for leaving her to survive alone and seek the help of a man who was cruel. Four more times he had used her mouth as Paul had used her body, urging her to be compliant and allow it. Each time he had been drunk, and each time, the day after, he could not look her in the eye due to his guilt. Though, he would send Megan to insist she came down to dine with him and find some way to belittle and control her.
Each time she had sat at his table feeling –unclean– hatred and anger and repulsion. The second time it had happened, she had ask him to take her home to England, or at least to pay for a passage for her. He had refused. He may feel guilty after doing what he did, but not enough to give her the means to leave him.
Life – was cruel. ‘Ahhh!’ She screamed her pain out into the room.
‘Push,’ the midwife urged her.
Ellen did not wish to push, or try, or live.
‘Madam!’ The glare she received when she made no effort at all condemned her. She would be bullied into bearing this child.
