Page 80 of The Forbidden Love of an Officer
‘What is your choice?’ he urged.
She did not speak. He could not really expect her to choose to be his mistress…
‘If you stay with me now, Ellen. I expect you to be compliant. You must do all that I ask of you… Is that understood?’
She had a child upstairs. A child who needed a roof to sleep under, and she needed to eat to be able to feed him. It was icily cold beyond the door… She could not take her son out there.
‘Shall we try this again, Ellen?’ He did not even wait for her answer. He knew her answer could only be acceptance. His palms pressed against either side of her face. ‘Open your mouth.’ His words were spoken over her lips, hot and scented of wine. She closed her eyes and complied. His tongue slid into her mouth, making her feel sick with hatred and dread, and her body shivered with disgust.
He moved away. ‘I said you must be compliant, Ellen. I also meant you must participate.’
No.
Tears burned in her eyes as his tongue pressed back into her mouth. She moved her own tongue, not in a caress, she felt too bilious, but just in answer…How has my life come to this?
One of his hands left her face and touched her breast.
* * *
Ellen lay curled on her bed in the dark. When the lieutenant colonel had left her in the downstairs drawing room, having taken what he wanted, she had run to the only place she could, to her room and her son. There she had used a bowl of water and flannel to wash her whole body clean. She still felt dirty inside.
The Commandments she had been forced to read over and over the day she had eloped with Paul, ran through her head…Thou shalt not commit adultery…She was an adulteress now. He had a wife in England. She would go to hell, but not willingly.
Yet her first sin had been her joy. Was this payment for that?Honour thy father and mother.
What could she do?
How could she have let this happen and done nothing?
How could she leave without money or possessions?
What am I to do?
Tears had run down her cheeks the whole time Lieutenant Colonel Hillier had touched her, and when he had done what Paul had done, she had sobbed aloud until he told her to be quiet. Then she had bitten her lip and wept silently.
‘Ma’am… Forgive me, ma’am.’ A very gentle tap knocked on the bedchamber door. Megan. Ellen sat up, wiping the tears from her cheeks. ‘May I come in, ma’am?’
Ellen rose and walked to the door to turn the key and let her in. ‘What is it?’
‘May I come in and speak with you?’ she whispered, her voice shaky.
‘Of course.’ Ellen stepped back, letting her into the room, then locked the door behind her.
‘I thought… I want to say…’
‘Please speak, Megan.’
She drew in a long deep breath, then spoke as she breathed it out. ‘Ma’am, if you do not wish for another child. I can show you things you may do to help. There are no guarantees, but… I thought…’
Ellen stared at her, a fire of embarrassment flaring beneath her skin. But then perhaps what had happened had happened to Megan too if she knew such things.
‘Do you want me to tell you?’
‘Yes…’ Ellen agreed; to become pregnant by that man would be unbearable.
‘Then we must act, because if you are to do something to prevent it, you must do so now.’
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